Contemplation

Random Thoughts #3

I kind of want to throw this post out there really quick because I might take a break from writing again after this. Before I start moving onto different topics from my last few posts. I want to walk on some eggshells and clarify a few things. I can be quite an idealist and pessimist because I always try to see the world for what it really is. But like many people, I also wish the world would one day come together where everyone would treat each other as equals so that we can together focus on—in my opinion—cooler things like space exploration, jumping into black holes, befriend aliens, etc. I am in no position to judge how someone else should live their life or the choices they make. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, I honestly don’t see a problem with it (—even if I have insights about them from the stuff that I study). Everyday, I consider myself as a human being encountering other unique human beings, hence I could careless about other things that are associated to the person because they are just another person to me. I don’t know about you, but I think that is pretty fair.

When I said that I could careless about gender pronouns, I am not trying to dismiss the existence of certain genders or people in general (I recently read the Time article on Elliot Page—I am happy for him). What I meant was that all pronouns are kind of pointless to begin with—especially if you take on the Butlerian position that gender is socially constructed (I say “kind of” because a strong argument could be made that they are important—especially when you consider psychoanalysis). I am not going to get too much into this because it will just add more fuel to a fire that has been existing for some time between a lot of people. Solution? Maybe we should just get rid of all pronouns, including he/him, she/her, etc. With all this said, I know there is another side of the argument from the political right on gender which is equally interesting—especially once you mix it in with other discourses. But I don’t think I will talk about it today because I am tired and annoyed for some reason. Actually, I’m not sure if I will ever talk about it because my mind is not really focused on it (I am trying to learn quantum entanglement). I think I will never talk about these things again because I am pretty insensitive so I will just leave it like this. I sometimes try to be more sensitive, but it doesn’t come natural to me.

I am throwing this out there because I have a feeling some people might have took my words the wrong way. Worst case, I wouldn’t want someone to harm themselves because of things I said. Please remember that context really matters because words put into different contexts will change in meaning (this is the nature of how meanings are produced). So I guess on hindsight, I understand why people want to implement safe space, censor words, etc. even if I think it is not a real solution (it’s not even a very good solution). But I also think people should try to learn how to deal with these things because it is the inevitable reality of our world that people will say something that might offend (intentional or not). Yet at the same time, I know it is hard to ask someone who suffered a lot to do this. We can’t always control the things people say and do, but we can try to control the way we respond to them; the way we think about the things they are saying (i.e. the way we interpret them via various contexts; try to understand them, etc.). We can also learn to not jump to conclusions so quickly. Ok, I have no intentions of turning this post into self-help.

I never really thought I would get into these topics because I was always more interested in things like metaphysics, existentialism, and other philosophies that deals with the nature of knowledge, space, and time (hence I have a disinterest in most politics). It’s just that some people around me has been talking about it recently. There has been some drama going on in my semi-distant family members in regards to homophobia—which is pretty crazy if you ask me. I don’t think a lot of my family members reads my blog except for some of my distant cousins in Hong Kong (Hi), so I think it is fine that I write this on here.

If you look at my Google feed on my phone, I hardly get any political news because I never read them since I am not really interested in which country has the bigger dick. So I am politically clueless in many ways. Most of my news feed is like “New Discovery in Quantum Mechanics”, “The Philosophy of Deconstruction”, “F1 news: Lewis Hamilton is a Cool Dude”, “F1 Driver Sebastian Vettel argues about Cheese”, “Wife puts his husband on a leash and takes him out for a walk during COVID”, etc. I like Formula 1. I enjoy learning about how they set up the cars and all the technical stuff on how they design it, gain advantage over other cars and stuff.

It’s mostly true that I usually don’t care too much about what people think of me because I know a lot of them reads me the wrong way most of the time (I don’t blame them). And when I say this, I think it’s kind of like a contradiction because I also wish people would understand me more because I get misunderstood a lot (to the point that I could careless about it). Maybe the whole reason why I am interested in deconstruction and the problem of communication that Derrida talks about is because I have been misunderstood—particularly by my mother (for real, where are the psychoanalysts at?). I’m not joking, I’ve always thought my mom and I have a lot of miscommunications and I think this might had played a role on how I grew up and influenced my own intellectual interests. My dad had always sort of been the middle man who translates the things I say to my mom. Or maybe people actually understand me, but transference is happening between my relationship with my mother to the present which makes me think that other people don’t understand me. It’s okay though, I love them both to death regardless, along with my older sister. Psychoanalyzing yourself is not always a good idea because there are lots of blind spots.

Sometimes, I thought of completely retiring my blog and move on to focus on other things in life. I am pretty passionate about philosophy. But I know I will never make any money out of it unless I become a successful professor at some university which is highly unlikely at this point (this is the reality). I also kind of want to have a family, even if I think I will be a horrible father LOL. Imagine Bobby being a dad. My kid would turn into Bobby Jr. in no time and start screaming your mom jokes. If I have kids, I would want them to be happy of course. But most importantly, I would want them to be themselves and live an authentic life (whatever that means). I would also teach them everything that I know and all the things I learnt in my life so far. I would transfer all my knowledge to them so they can do what I couldn’t (or not—if they don’t like it). I don’t know why I am saying this because I don’t even have a girlfriend lmao. #foreveralone. I am so tired I am basically in zombie mode right now.

I got work tomorrow so I am going to stop here. It has been very nice outside in the last few days. I can finally go out for walks in my underwear (jk). Not sure when I will post again. But I hope everyone stays safe.

B.




Standard