From car talk all the way to polygamy, psychoanalysis, perversion, Donald Trump, MBTI, philosophy and random stories. The war in Iran is crazy. I pray for all the innocent people who are caught in the war. 🙏

Booby signing out.✌️

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The BMW M3 Touring N24…

is so sick (link). I can’t believe they turned a regular M3 Touring into a race car (the M3 touring is a family wagon). The wing at the back looks so ridiculously big and badass. It also has a wide body kit and got more thicccccc in all the right places.👌Looks like BMW built the coolest car for the Nurburgring 24 hours race.🔥

…Then there is the new 3 series has gotten a lot of controversy with its design (link). I think it looks really ugly LOL. But the M version might look okay if you put the right body mods on it. Who knows. The current generation looks way better.

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Interior Car Mods and Other

Now that I’ve got most of my exterior appearance mods complete for now, there are a few mods that I’ve been wanting to do inside the car. The big one is a custom steering wheel. But I won’t change it until the warranty is over. They’re expensive with no extra function other than looks. Another mod I want is a new DSG shifter knob. I’ve been eyeing on the Black Forest Industries GS2 Air Leather knob (link). But they cost $400 CAD to ship to Canada. I also want a magnetic paddle shifter because I drive in manual mode quite a bit. The stock one is fine, but I would appreciate crispier shifts. Honestly, I’m too cheap to get any of these mods LOL. Maybe I will do it slowly. I actually can’t wait to pay off my car later this year.

With this said, I bought a limited edition Liberty Walk Ferrari LB40 x Dasai Mochi.🤡 It’s a mini robot that wears a Liberty Walk Ferrari F40 helmet. He makes cute facial animations based on how you drive Lol. The battery lasts for 8 hours of driving. I plan on doing a few interior lighting additions. I also want to hang something off my rear mirror, but it will probably go flying when I full send the car into a corner. Maybe I should find something with a shorter string.

I recently installed my rear spoiler extension. It came with 3M VHB double sided tape with one side already stuck on. The moment I applied the adhesive promoter, set the lip in place, and exposed 5 cm of tape to the surface, I knew there was no turning back if I messed up. That stuff is so strong, it will take a lot of work to remove properly Lol.

I also took my car to the dealer to fix an ambient lighting and dynamic cornering light error that I’ve been getting randomly. While I was on my way, there was an Infiniti G37 and a brand new Mk8.5 Golf R that caught up to me by cutting traffic. They eventually stopped ahead at the lights on another lane where the R driver rolled down the window and waved me to join LOL. I was thinking, “It’s rush hour at 7AM and you guys are driving like you’re 15”.😂 Of course I didn’t join them. Lately, I’ve been driving it in eco mode because 91 gas is too expensive. I also have to maintain the 8R’s IYKYK status.

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Polygamy

This was an interesting topic that came up the other day. If I turn my brain off, I think polygamy are just people with commitment issues and wants to sleep around while maintaining the illusion of commitment LOL.

But polygamy is an ancient practice that is tied to many interesting psychoanalytic ideas Freud discovered and developed early on. It can be found in the account of the myth that Freud discovered which spoke of a “primal father” from a tribe who kept all the women for himself. Eventually, the other men from the tribe banded together to kill the father and consumed him, hoping they would gain his powers where they can have all the women for themselves. But it is only now as they are riddened by guilt, where they realize that the primal father becomes much more powerful after his death. For he now represents the big Other (super-ego) who imposes the law to all the men in the tribe: they cannot have all the women for themselves, but must share them among other men.

While people probably thinks this myth is crazy, it is actually a metaphor for the Oedipus complex, social law, and castration (Pro tip: never read psychoanalysis literally). Freud tells us something about the logic of exception, masculine desire, and the role of the symbolic law in Lacanianism. That is, in order for men to desire a woman, they must give up on something. In this case, the man must give up on his desires to want all the other women; the latter who upholds the power of the social law of monogamy and the prohibition of incest. This is the same reason why in obsessive neurotics, in order for a man to be with a woman, they are always thinking about another woman at an unconscious level (because love is transference).

If we look at it this way, polygamy is perverse in that the men and women who wants it are attempting to subvert the Other’s impositions and social law; the latter which functions as the repressive master who restricts the subject’s desires of being with multiple men and women. This is more true today than back in history. Perversion is when the split subject fails to completely split. It is very rare as a clinical structure; but its symptoms can be found in every neurotic. It is often thought that the fundamental dimensions of sexuality is perverse.

The interesting part about this metaphor of the primal father who wants all the woman (because all relationships are sexual relationships), is how it was found in the world’s first dream analysis that Freud conducted on himself, in an essay called “Irma’s Injection”. In his dream, Freud wished to become the primal father that even he was unconscious of in his own dream analysis. This is often talked about by subsequent psychoanalysts.

You see this same type of perversion with Donald Trump. As Slavoj Zizek recently pointed out, Trump is like a “Rebel King” that wants to create an authoritarian state where he holds the power as both the commander of his criminal gang (i.e. ICE agents) and as the king (you can read his essay linked here). He exploits his own country’s democratic administration because it functions as the repressive master’s discourse, just like the death of the primal father who upholds the social law. Trump is like the person who wishes to subvert the Other’s impositions to exercise his own perverse desires and sovereignty. It’s not surprising once you consider his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein.

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Metaphysics, Knowledge, and Pure Intuition

We often take our daily tasks for granted. Even a scientist, who looks into a microscope takes metaphysical experiences as a “given” (a term used in phenomenology). How can they possibly know that this bacteria they are observing with their perception yields to X or Y knowledge? What is knowledge? What is ‘knowing’ and what makes knowing anything possible? Most of us are perfectly capable of observing objects or people in the present moment, but we are almost never curious enough to question the conditions which allows us to have such experiences. What is experience? What comes before a question? What conditions allows for a question to arise, which may yield to new knowledge?

Kant famously asserts that there is a type of experience which lies fundamental to all knowledge and escapes the entirety of empiricism. This type of experience is known as “pure intuition” which exists without any content and possibilities of knowledge. I remember speaking about this long ago. But if I told you to imagine a ball in your mind, this ball could be sitting on a table, rolling down the street, or bouncing around in a basketball court. It could even be floating mid air. The point is that no matter how I imagine this ball, it is always already situated within a given space and in a certain time. This pure intuition that we have is given to us. We don’t have to put any effort into doing it. The ball is always already situated in spacetime. And it doesn’t even have to be a ball. It could be a person, a memory, or anything that comes to mind—even nothingness. For Kant, knowledge is always conditioned by this pure intuition. It is an intuition that even disciplines like psychoanalysis had constantly failed to account for in its practice throughout history. This is where we get into the debates between phenomenology and psychoanalysis. It’s an interesting topic for another time.

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“What do you think of ESFPs?“

Many ESFPs I’ve met were the life of the party, charming, popular, social butterfly, fun loving, bubbly small talk pros who knows how to have a good time. They can be friends with anyone and tends to have many different groups of friends, but usually with one main group. They get bored if they aren’t out doing something, socializing, or meeting new people. I think they can stretch themselves too thin where they struggle to develop deeper connections with others. Many also tends to struggle with intellectual conversations, but will often find Ni users attractive if they meet one. Their interest in people and style of communication are often mistaken as flirting. I tend to find older ESFPs to be more calm and even less outgoing. They kind of resemble an INTJ where they are more selective on who they spend their time with. Overall, I think they’re fascinating people. I’ve always been a sucker for their vibrancy and social charm.

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More Coffee Shop Stories

I spoke to this gym guy who introduced himself to me some weeks ago. He is a nice dude, but also kind of basic. He was a car guy and drives a BMW M240i. He told me his dream car is a Ferrari 488 Pista. It’s alright. I mean if I dreamed of a Ferrari, it would be the 812 Superfast with Valvetronic exhaust (link). That car is probably my favorite Ferrari. I like its elongated hood that accompanies the front-mid mounted V12 engine. It has silky smooth curves and sounds great.

Then he asked me if I want kids and if I have anyone special. I wasn’t ready to tell him about Eashel.🥹 She was right around the corner LOL. I told him I would like to find a partner, but it is also not where I could find someone even if I wanted because it is the choice of two people, not one. I added that becoming a father is a special event and I would be open to having children if the opportunity presented one day. If not, then it’s okay too. Kids are a lot of work and it is a life changing experience. As parents, you become the example you want your kids to grow up to.

We spoke about meditation and the value of being bored versus mindlessly scrolling through social media that trains us to have an attention span of 5 seconds. I introduced him to phenomenology where he told me he is interested in learning it. He asked if I wanted to travel. I told him I actually haven’t gone to many places, but I want to. He dared me to travel somewhere this year. It’s a good dare LOL. But I’m also trying to save money. I was going to dare him to read Husserl’s Logical Investigations. Poor guy would have no idea what he is getting into. He won’t get past the first page.🤣🤣 It is way more hardcore than reading something like No More Mr. Nice Guy that he told me about. I also introduced him to Friedrich Nietzsche who he knew nothing about.

I spoke to another guy who regulars there where he told me the manager is on a leave of absence. I was actually wondering where she went. I always thought she was very confident, kind, and sweet. I know she used to have a crush on me before she took on the manager role Lol. This was before Eashel appeared. Honestly, if the timing was right, something might’ve happened.

I always thought she was hardworking, consistent and grounded, who seemed to have great family values. She was confident who wasn’t afraid to show her interest by giving me all the right signals to approach her. She was kind of a master at it and knew the best place to situate herself for me to easily talk to her—only that I didn’t. But it was refreshing to see. I didn’t talk to her back then because of Renee. But I also later guessed she eventually had a thing with Renee’s friend where I didn’t want to interfere. If you read my older posts, I predicted they would be together LOL. This was confirmed by the same guy I spoke to who knew both of them because he told me. I wasn’t surprised. I’m usually right about these things.

Whether they’re still together is unknown to me. I noticed a few things back then, but it’s none of my business and I won’t say it here. I just remember seeing her cry before I haven’t seen her again. I think her dad was with her that day who kissed her on the cheek (an A+ dad for sure). I knew because she once told me her parents were in the store and pointed to them. She also told me they’ve been together for 30 years which is quite an achievement! It was actually my second time seeing her cry. The first time was from way back when she first worked there. I sincerely hope she is doing well.

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“If all relationships are sexual relationships, then are my friendships with my girlfriends sexual?“

Yes they are.
People might think that not all relationships are sexual, but it always is at an unconscious level. There was a reason why Lacan referred heterosexuality as a form of lesbianism. This is because hysteria is the fundamental position of neurosis—which is to say that it consists of being a woman, in some sense—even if you’re a biological man. If everyone takes a fundamental position of a woman, then heterosexual relations is a form of lesbianism. Your relationship with your girlfriends are fundamentally “sexual”; as in it offers you jouissance and satisfaction of your desires. It is the same reason why Slavoj Zizek pointed out that “a man is a woman who believes he exists”. Masculinity is a question of belief which arises by exception, and femininity is a question of pretense which arises through masquerade.

It is the same as when a woman talks to a man as “friends”. The fundamental question of hysteria that exists in their conversation is, “What does the other person want?” (or “Who am I?”) where they will seek to unconsciously become each other’s desires in certain ways; such as to speak in the same topics that they both desire, etc. (“We have so much in common!”). The man speaks to her, where she may eventually become the man’s object a (i.e. he develops feelings for her). In return, the woman unconsciously challenges the man’s desires by asking him to show her his knowledge; that is—he might unconsciously speak of a master signifier that she unknowingly resonates with (hysterics gets off on knowledge). Yet their desires always misses the point because that is the function of desire. It never touches the Real (a), but only circulates it.

Strangely so, when the man tries to make a romantic move, the woman will often suddenly back off, where she realizes she cannot become his cause of desire. For she might notice that even she does not know what she wants, and struggles to locate the master signifier in the man. Something escapes both of them (a) that they don’t consciously recognize. This something causes all sorts of reactions. The man might become frustrated, gets mad, blocks her or unfollows her. He might call out on the woman for playing him, etc. And the woman might claim to only see him as a friend and so on; even when they have been unconsciously asking each other the same questions, but desiring in a radically different way through belief and pretense. This scenario I just explained is incredibly common.

Both man and woman operates in a fundamentally different way at an unconscious level. A romantic relationship is a miscoupling of desires, a sort of unconscious miscommunication, where somehow by chance, both subjects manages to condescend to their object a in their own unique terms. Somehow the person you speak to resonates to a love from something they do not have. It is a love which speaks to us in a unique way, that is transferred from our unconscious memories (love is transference). This is why you can’t make anyone fall in love with you. Hence Lacan’s famous line, “There is no sexual relationship”. The desires of both parties misses the point, but in the “right” way!

I hope you can see how the hysteric’s question of “What do you want?” is what drives all our conversations with others everyday of our lives at an unconscious level. From the strangers you meet who might be interested in you, all the way to your friends and parents. It is a question that began from the moment the new born child asked, “What does the mOther want?”.

I will likely talk about this again in my next big post.

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Friends with Women

Believe it or not, I used to be the dude who had more women friends than guy friends back in my undergraduate days. Many of them called me Booby LOL. I was well liked among women. Some even considered me as their best friend. It’s funny because 5 or 6 of them ended up developing feelings for me. I was clueless about all of them until a few years after I finished undergrad studies.😅 It didn’t help that I always thought I was an ugly child. And it wasn’t until I turned 23+ where I realized girls liked me more than I realized, where I started to notice them notice me.😅

Would I have dated some of them if they opened up? Probably one or two, even if I never thought of them that way. And this is why so many men are not okay with their partner having a male best friend LOL. Having experienced it myself on the other end, I totally understand.

I’m always surprised women thinks their single guy friends have never thought of them “that way” because many of them definitely have or still have—especially if you’re attractive. Some would jump at the chance if the ladies gave them one. Don’t believe me? If you do research on men going through psychoanalysis and free association, this topic comes up frequent enough. Some will talk about their thoughts of wanting to have sex with their woman friends, or some person they saw in public or at work. And yes, some of these are married men. The most common one you will read about are men mistaking their wife or girlfriend as their mother.

While I was friends with many ladies, I’ve heard stories of dudes trying to make something happen with them. I wasn’t surprised since many of them were pretty. I remember I drove one of them home one evening (she drank and was a bit tipsy) where she was telling me how some guy kept trying to get her to go to his place where he “only wanted to cuddle” LOL. I just laughed. Then we started talking about aliens where we ended up going to a nearby McDonald’s at 11pm eating french fries and watching UFO videos on YouTube.🤣 Those were good times. This girl liked me for sure.

There was another time where I was helping some random girl set up her art work at some show and sale. I ended up asking for her number after, where my intentions were friendly (yes, I know LOL). We spoke every once awhile. But she eventually got so mad that I never asked her out where she removed me from her socials. I remember she made this huge rant on her Facebook status about me where I was like, “I wonder who she is talking about” LOL. 2 years later, I found out she was talking about me.😅 Honestly, she could’ve asked me out and I probably would’ve said yes. I know a lot of women don’t want to seem “easy”. But I wouldn’t think of her any less if she asked. I have so many of these type of stories. You guys have no idea lol.

Back then, I thought the women I met were more supportive and caring than the typical guy to guy friendships. Till this day, I still think this is true. Though there were a few guys I met back then who were the real homies where we took care of each other. As I got older and eventually went to grad school, life changed and I lost contact with most of the lady friends. I still know some that I never or rarely talk to. Many of them moved, partnered up, and/or married with kids. So I just hang out with the boys or by myself. I don’t mind it.

I can probably speak for most men here, but I think women are way too subtle and expects you to read their mind. It’s honestly surprising how many are still so passive about their love interests with the whole movement of feminism going on. I don’t think they realize that being confident and showing clear interest towards the man is way more attractive than hiding it or playing hard to get. Even a simple “Hi” can go a long way. But I also think part of it is they overthink too much. It’s like what I said in #33—the more you think about it, the more you won’t do it.

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“At what point do you think people are in a relationship?”

Logic would dictate that become “official” when they both agree to be exclusive. This means if you are just getting to know someone and talk to them casually, then it’s not exclusive and the other party is free to talk to others. Though often times, it seems like “it just happens” for many people after a certain time or amount of dates.

Personally, I know my heart won’t be interested in anyone else once I start talking to that one person who I fancy, even if we are just getting to know each other, where I am still technically single. Though I understand some people might feel pressured from this. I don’t think they should because I don’t even think about it during these initial stages with someone. It happens naturally to me—and probably to many people who are loyal.

Sure I can decide who I am loyal to. But I think loyalty is part of who I am growing up. I’m not just loyal to people. I’m also loyal to ideas, family, commitments, and to truth and knowledge. In this case, I am loyal because I don’t want anyone else but one person. For me, only one person will have my heart—and not 2 or 3 women at the same time. It’s just the way I am. And I don’t think it’s a bad trait at all as long as I don’t pull a Renee 2.0 LOL. But it is difficult to find people who I have special feelings for. 🥺

I said this before, but the whole idea of dating and talking to multiple people at once is not for me. Honestly, if a person finds someone worthwhile, no one in their right mind will go barking at another tree. How would you feel if you dated someone and they were dating others, or maybe even sleeping with them? You will feel like they don’t value you as a real potential partner. But that’s just what I think.

…

While Eashel and I don’t speak anymore, I still cherish the conversations we had. They were special. I remember the time I made her the gift that was supposed to come with the custom My Melody peeker sticker that I gave her LOL. I put some Japanese KitKats in an envelope with a little card that said “To Eashel; From Booby”. On the other side, I put a Badtz-Maru sticker that represented me, the penguin who is perpetually stuck in first grade and likes to poke fun of everything by making silly jokes.😂 I still remember after Eashel opened it, she came out from the back and gave me this subtle look with the world’s cutest smile that she tried to hold back. It was unforgettable. She is really sweet.

I remember her telling me about her siblings where I trolled her and asked if she had a mother.😂 I told her to give some of the Japanese KitKats to her sisters and brother. I admit it was a calculating strategy on my part. I was a bit ahead of myself, but I wanted to leave her siblings a good impression of me in case I become her future boyfriend. 😂😂 Getting along with her family was high on my priority list. I was pretty serious about her. I still am if the right situation arise.🥺

I also remember Eashel telling me she likes to collect perfumes where I tried to smell her LMAO. I had a good laugh after because she probably thought I was being a creep. But I just wanted to smell what type of perfume she likes. I wasn’t going to lean in super close. It was my bad.

I wish we could talk like how we used to—even if it’s just casual chit chat. For only then will I get a chance to see if we can fulfill our long lost sushi date. Some time ago, I overheard her casually saying she broke up with someone (???). I might’ve heard wrong. But I don’t know if she is open to talking to me again. If she makes it obvious, then I will find a way to talk to her. If not, then I will leave her alone. She might not know, but she would make my day if she said hi to me. But she is always busy.🥹She recently dyed her hair back to black.😍 I think she looks stunning with her natural black hair. It matches her green eyes and gives her an exotic look.😍😍

There are lots of uncertainties right now. In fact, I don’t know if she still reads my blog. Either way, whatever happens will happen. I try to let things flow and not think about it. I don’t want to put pressure on her. I just want her to be happy, even if she decides to be with someone else.

Maybe it wasn’t our time. But it might be in the future, Or it never will be. Yet, I can’t lie to myself that speaking to Eashel back then was fatal. Maybe it was fate that we met the way we did. Of course, I speak of this ambiguously, and even poetically, from the bottom of my heart. But it was by chance, my encounter of her, of meeting her, of talking to her, which had led fate towards its own fate; pointing to its Latin forms of fati, fatalis, and fatum—which means, “that which has been spoken”.💖