Yo what up
This one is a little longer than usual. I talk about my new dog, science and mental health, ethical consumerism, Coca-Cola, psychoanalysis and the notion of “choice”, all the way to my most memorable random thought posts.

Byeeee

Edit Feb 28, 2026: Made some clarification changes.
I pray for the safety of those in the Middle East who are currently caught in the U.S.-Iran conflict. 🙏

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Kobe

I got a new dog named Kobe! He is a 8 month old Cavapoo mix (half Poodle, half Cavalier King Charles Spaniel). He was given away by my sister’s friend because her other two dogs kept bullying him. Kobe is a mega cutie and really likes attention. He always takes my slippers and uses them as pillow.🥺 He was named after Kobe Beef, not Kobe Bryant. Having a dog makes such a big difference. They’re smart, cute, loyal, fun, and they love you all the time. Here is a photo (link).

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The Most Memorable Random Thought Posts

I’ve written a few that were memorable and quite popular at the time. I publish these posts around once a month. I would imagine only a handful of people have read through every single one.

#10
I reread this post the other day. I remembered what I was going through. It was pure trauma hidden beneath my words. Now, I just laugh it off. I used to wonder if Renee regrets never talking to me. But this is no longer a question that I need an answer to. I gave it everything. I actually still have the removed sections that I wrote about Renee. It is saved in a draft titled, “R Archives”. It’s called an “Archive” for a good reason. But there are lots of lessons that can be learned from this post, especially the first section where I wrote about Freud.

#14
I talk about hook up culture and my views on love and commitment. I still stand by those words today. But it was most memorable for when I explained why you can’t make anyone fall in love with you. Instead, it is more about letting the other person discover their love by themselves, like how the analysand discovers a truth from their Freudian slips in a clinical setting. I think some of my writings in this section could’ve made it into a big and more official piece of writing on psychoanalysis.👌

I sometimes see men on social media who claims to be experts and announces some special knowledge about women; on how to make them fall in love with you and so on. But I can tell you that the entire history of hysteria has shown us otherwise. We actually know very little about women. Unlike the obsessive neurotic, or the man who proclaims to know woman, the hysteric escapes knowledge. And I don’t mean this in some misogynistic or sexist way. It’s more of a compliment because hysteria sets the limits to human knowledge.

I’ve hinted at this in many places from my writings. But as we will see in a future post, the hysteric’s discourse allows for the production of new knowledge. It is in fact, the one true discourse of science. It is often said that even Lacan gave his famous seminars under the discourse of hysteria.

#22
This was most memorable for when I spoke about how metaphor is subjectivity. It was around the time when “My Melody Girl” (Eashel) started to appear in my writings. She was also in few of the previous ones. Dang, this was 2024. It has been 2 years already? That’s crazy. I think My Melody Girl would appreciate my Labubus. I recently just got a sitting one.😂 She would probably get along with my sister really well. She has a huge Jellycat collection.😂😂😂

#33
This is the most recent and also one of the most popular “home page” random thought posts I’ve written in a long time. I think the highlight in it was about how rare love is and how it relates to life and death. During certain passages, I drew from my own life as inspiration.🥺 There were some parts where I was just describing my own experiences, like getting to know someone and developing a new form of feelings for them. I also drew ideas that I wrote on Jacques Derrida’s The Gift of Death and this experience of finitude and “choice” which makes us who we are.

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“Do you think science can solve all mental health problems?”

No.
If you study the philosophy of science, you will quickly see its epistemological limits (epistemology is the study of knowledge). Its entire practice is limited to empiricism and materialism where its methods discounts for so many other phenomena that cannot be accounted for via its methods (when I say “phenomena”, I am talking about phenomenology). Even modern psychology today fails to “cure” many mental illnesses—particularly those linked to psychosis. The DSM-5 is also full of problems and often gets criticized. Heck, even depression can’t really be “cured”. Just ask someone on anti-depressants to stop taking them and see what happens. It’s because the problem isn’t simply in the biological body, it’s also in the mind along with a host of other environmental factors and personal history.

This is not to say that scientific methods don’t work. They do work. But they don’t get at the root of the problem in mental health. So long as the scientific field is caught up in the university discourse, they will not reach see the root of mental health problems (“the university discourse” in psychoanalysis). It’s sort of like cancer and removing the tumor, it doesn’t cure cancer. It’s a temporary solution.

Can science explain the hysteric’s psychosomatic symptoms where they show signs of being ill but aren’t actually sick? They can’t. How can they explain people with unusual fetishes? They can’t. How can they explain homosexuality or bisexuality? They can’t. They will just tell you that it’s a choice, which is not wrong (there is nothing wrong with being gay, just to be sure). But that is not a scientific answer. There are no biological markers for homosexuality. There are also no biological markers for psychosis.

I think science is cool. I’m a quantum physics enjoyer. But it’s only part of the picture, not the entire picture. There is physics, but there is also metaphysics. There is the brain in a physical sense that neurologists can study, but there is also consciousness, knowledge, thoughts, memories, and emotions that are beyond empirical measurements. I can physically hold onto a brain, but I cannot physically hold onto consciousness.

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The Cool Mom and Coffee Shop Stories

There is this Chinese woman I talk to sometimes on my chill sess. And the other day, we were chatting about the stock market and she told me how volatile US stocks are right now and she owns a lot of it. I told her I bought Google shares last year where she was like, “You must be making good returns right now”. Then she told me she has owned Nvidia shares since 2016 and had to hire a wealth manager to manager her money. I was like “Oh wow, really?”, but in my head I was like “She is loaded”.😂 That is like a +20,000 – 30,000% return. If you bought $5000 of Nvidia shares in 2016, it would be worth 1 million+ today.

We kept talking where she was like, “I feel bad for kids these days who wants to buy a house and start a family, they probably need help from their parents”. I agreed with her and thought, “She can sell some of her Nvidia shares to buy each of her kids a home and still have money left”.😂

I eventually stopped listening to what the mom was saying and started looking at Eashel. I was like, “How can she be so beautiful, cute, and hot at the same time?”. 😍 I had to go back to my table so I would stop getting distracted. The other day, I overheard her telling her coworker that someone gave her a $2 tip. I thought to myself, “Bro was swooning and had to tip her his entire bank account”.🤣

I also saw Emily that same day. She sat with me and went to the washroom then came back really quick telling me how she walked into a guy who didn’t lock the door while taking a dump LOLLLL.💩 Then she later went to order a drink and said to me, “The person who made my drink called me a rock”, LMAOO that was so funny.😂😂 Eashel might’ve wrote it. Emily showed me the cup and it said, “u r a rock ⭐️”, but the star was a bit small, so she misread it.😂

Then she told me about this pasta that she made was really good. I asked her to give me the recipe and she didn’t say anything for 10 min and wrote it on her iPad to show it to me. I was like, “I thought you forgot, but you could’ve just sent it to me”. So I asked for her socials and we followed each other on Instagram where she DMd me the recipe. She should feel lucky. I tell most people that I don’t use social media. I sometimes have people asking for my Insta after a chat and I’m pretty much like “I don’t have one, see you never dude” LOL.

Emily told me how her friend’s girlfriend cheated on him 4 months into the relationship and he didn’t find out until a year and a half later. She also told me about her ex boyfriend cheated on her and is now a cocaine addict.😬 We both agreed on how people are crazy and are red flags these days.

I also found out that she is half Indian. I was surprised because she looks like a white girl LOL. She showed me a photo of her parents and I was like 😮. We vibed pretty well that day. I think she likes me. But nothing will happen because she is only 18.😬 She is way too young lol. But she talks much older than her age for sure. I will turn her down if she asks me out. I don’t think she will because she seems to understand my intentions are friendly and not romantic.

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“You seem like you are ready to settle down.”

Yes I am. Though I’m not in a hurry and it definitely won’t happen anytime soon.
If life wants me to be forever alone, then so be it. I mentioned this before, but I am looking for something long term and someone to build a life with. In fact, I had this mentality from way back with Renee. But I feel like I’ve grown a lot since my early 20s. I have become more mindful with far more resolve, more understanding, and more emotional and intellectual maturity. I also have more money than when I was younger LOL.

I’ll be able to buy a house that is not an apartment in the next few years. I can probably buy one right now if I wanted, but I won’t commit until I need to such as if I get married or something. In this housing market, my money is better off invested than being sunk into a mortgage (I’m a self taught investor). Times are uncertain and work is on the slower side. But my job should be stable despite these poor economic conditions and threats from AI. I also think buying a house is smarter, easier, and more romantic with future wifey.🥺

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Ethical Consumerism

I came across this topic a while ago and thought I could share some thoughts on it. Lets do this by using Zizek’s famous analysis of Coca-Cola as a metaphor. Since it is Zizek, there will be some psychoanalysis. This is also a good example of Lacanian Marxism in peak form.

In 1980s, Coca-Cola’s initial slogan was “Enjoy!” which implied their consumers to enjoy drinking Coke while it quenches their thirst. Yet there is something in Coke—such as the sugar and object a—that makes you want more of it. And as we all know, the more you drink Coke, the thirstier you will actually get. If we take on Zizek’s position that capitalist ideology has become our unconscious fantasy, then we can say that one drinks Coca-Cola not to satisfy our desires of quenching thirst, but to perpetuate our desires to drink more of it. What we are actually drinking is not Coke, but the ideology of consumerism itself. Consumerism is like drinking Coca-Cola. The more you consume, the more you want it. And the more you consume, the bigger the negative impact would cause on the environment.

On the other hand, Diet Coke maintains the illusion of drinking Coca-Cola while appearing to get rid of all its negative effects (i.e. sugar and calories). But here is the twist: you’re no longer drinking Coca-Cola, but the illusion of Coca-Cola without its original ingredients; a sort of fake, perverted, or simulated reality of the product while making it appear like the real Coke, but only a “healthier” version. Consuming Diet Coke is like “ethical consumerism” where we want to maintain the ideology of consumerism (drinking Coke) and continue to endlessly consume without any negative impacts on the environment.

Zizek uses this same logic with coffee without caffeine and chocolate without fat. What he is implying is that capitalism operates with this same logic to maintain the ideology consumption. While we might feel better, more ethical, and healthier about ourselves by drinking Diet Coke, it ideologically operates exactly the same way as drinking the original Coke where it makes us want more of it. The underlying logic of consumerism which causes the original problem of producing environmental issues remains the same.

At its roots, Diet Coke and ethical consumerism is a simulation of change without any real change. Neither of them exists to satisfy our desires to quench thirst, but to perpetuate thirst and render our repetition compulsion (the death drive) to make us endlessly desire for more. Today, Coca-Cola’s slogan has changed from “Enjoy!” to “Real Magic”. And perhaps they’re right. Coca-Cola is the magical representation of ideology, consumerism, and capitalism.

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Rereading My Presentation on Alain Badiou From Grad School (link)

I just reread it the other night before bed. I completely forgot what I wrote in it. I was like, “Did I write this? Damn, I was pretty smart” (JK).😂 I remember I got an A on that presentation. The final research paper I wrote on Derrida bumped me up from A to an A+ in that class. I aced the research paper which I’ve never done before.😊 It was my first time getting an A+ in a graduate seminar. The prof called me brilliant and I still remember the compliment till this day.😅 I ended up finishing my masters degree with a 3.89 GPA.🤭 If I didn’t screw up one class, it would be 3.9+.

I think my mentor was the smartest woman I’ve met. She didn’t know it because she was always so humble. In fact, she was so humble that she didn’t even tell me her PhD advisors were Alain Badiou and the renown students of Jacques Derrida until we went out for dinner to catch up (Geoffrey Bennington and Catherine Malabou). I was shocked when I found out. If you studied humanities, you will probably hear about Derrida and Badiou at some point. They’re major figures in 20th century philosophy who are immensely influential. But her simple gesture had taught me what it means to be humble. So I rarely tell anyone. Badiou is actually still alive. Another one of his student is Quentin Meillassoux who I’ve wrote about before.

Then I remember she told me she almost got into a car accident while driving because she got really into listening to a podcast on Maurice Merleau-Ponty. 😂

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Setting Boundaries in Relationships

I think it’s an interesting topic. Meeting people who are relationship material requires the right ingredients. One of them is setting the right boundaries. It seems like men are more open to romance towards their women friends than women are with their guy friends. Though it’s not always true. I’ve been friends with women who later ended up liking me.

I think dropping the boyfriend/girlfriend line is the most common boundary setting method—even if they don’t have one. Many women will talk about another guy they’re into to deter people from making a move on them. It seems like whenever women intentionally brings up another guy like this, they are telling you that they see you as a friend. It’s a gentle way to tell someone they’re into someone else (i.e. the guy they bring up is always on their mind). But some people will take it as a challenge to win them over. Others will go as far as trying to sabotage their relationship. So people have to be vigilant and know when to shut someone down in a non negotiable way. Some of these instances will be a testament to the person’s commitment and character.

I have no problem saying “No” and shutting people up—especially if they’re annoying. I feel like women should do this more often. But they also have more to lose when things goes wrong because some men can get aggressive. Personally, I usually don’t mind being friends with those who rejected me. But at times, they can also take it the wrong way, or their boyfriend doesn’t want them to be friends with me which is understandable.

I like to call girls a “bro” when I’m not interested. I never flirt or give them any special treatment. I would only give them specific hugs if they ever wanted one (but I never initiate), where I don’t press against their chest, or even press my arms on their body. It’s more like a pat on the back LOL. Due to this, some women told me that I’m a terrible hugger. But I’m actually more of a gentleman. My lover hug is a lot different. It is far more special and intimate that only my lover gets.🥺

Unless you know me well, I prefer most people to not touch me. Long ago, I ran into an old friend where she complimented on my looks then pinched my butt LOL. She used to always give me random hugs where I only ever gave her half hugs. But she crossed the line a little with the butt pinch. So I jokingly said, “Oh wow, now I can write #metoo on my social media status”.😂

When it comes to boundaries, dancing with someone else is a common one. In a club? Some are not okay with it. Others are fine with it as long as there are no touching. There are many people who are looking for more than just dancing in these places; while some are just vibing. It varies from each individual.

Personally, I wouldn’t want a partner who parties all the time. If they go clubbing every once awhile with their girlfriends and are not trying to get attention, then I think it’s fine. But if they knowingly flirt and entertain all the dudes who wants to make something happen with her, it’s a no thank you. I prefer not to be with someone who goes around making every guy think they have a shot when they’re with me. It’s disrespectful. Most women can tell when someone is interested almost right away. So there aren’t very many excuses. Like if someone hits on my partner while I’m with them and she reciprocates, then he can have her LOL. That stuff is uncomfortable and unacceptable.

While I think platonic relationships are possible between some men and women, there is also truth to it when Freud said that “All relationships are sexual relationships”. I said this before. If you’re a woman, just go ask some of your guy friends if they would sleep with you. I bet a number of them would. It’s also “probable” that a few of the men they talk to regularly might develop feelings over time and eventually want to escalate. Sometimes, all it takes is an argument, the right timing, emotions, hormones, impulsiveness, and manipulation to destroy a serious relationship that took years to build. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying men and women shouldn’t be friends. But it is about boundaries. There is also a risk assessment and a good judge of character involved when you meet them. Are they loyal and committed? Do you trust them? Trust is one of those things that requires time and consistency to build, and it is very hard to get back once it is destroyed.

In general, people who are good at setting boundaries has earned themselves green flags. Those who are bad at setting boundaries aren’t there yet. But what is considered “flirting” can vary from person to person. Though it often implies breaking boundaries which includes inappropriate comments, touches, jokes, and even daily excessive communication (especially if they hide it from you). There is also non verbal flirting as well. Some people with an open communication style can easily be mistaken as flirting and interest, even when they aren’t. But they still have to be careful because there are boundaries that can’t be crossed.

Trust, consistency, and security are very important. It’s the things people do that makes a relationship feel secure. From personal times spent together, intimate emotional bonding, sharing, vulnerability, priorities, all the way to not doing anything that disrespects the relationship (such as doing some of the things I just said with other people). You shouldn’t need to constantly guess what the other person is feeling or worry if they’re out fishing because their words should match their actions. The commitment, effort, communication, transparency, and consistency should be there.

If my future girlfriend is not okay with me putting Renee’s name at the top of my post on psychoanalysis and love, I will happily remove it. Heck, I would remove the entire post if she wants me to. A good part of relationships is about setting and respecting boundaries on a personal and interpersonal level, along with how to make compromises. We find new ways to make a relationship work and this is part of what you call love. Bottom line: If you respect and value your relationship with someone, then you will respect upholding boundaries with other people and things that may threaten this relationship.

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“What did you mean by “choice” when you said we don’t get to choose our partners?“

People often think love is a “choice” which is only half correct under the context of psychoanalysis. The things we look for in a partner are determined by the Other’s impositions. Things like how we grew up, our values, all of our cultural and social meanings that we imbue in our lives. All of these things influences the “choice” of our romantic partner, where our unconscious desires exists only in a subverted form without us consciously recognizing it. Like what I said last time, we internalize external meanings that are all predetermined by someone else. Even our names were chosen for us by the Other before we were born.

In my writings on clinical analysis, I gave examples of the Other’s discourse, where the hysteric became their mother or father’s desires (the basis of neurosis is hysteria). Or the hysteric who becomes her boyfriend’s desires. In reality, people become all sorts of things. We become what society demands of us, so to speak. We value what society taught us are important in life. Or what society wants us to value, such as money and occupation. Our desire is the Other’s desire. But these desires are not their own. In psychoanalysis, it is not about what the Other wants, but what the subject truly or unconsciously wants which drives their symptoms.

But because our desire is the Other’s desire, we might desire for the perfect goddess woman with the perfect body, or a giga chad who is 6ft tall, a doctor, makes six figures with a six pack. Then we also get bombarded with these expectations on social media on what a relationship should look like; or what a man or woman should be. Many even strives to make their relationships to be like these desires, even when they’ve succumbed to the Other’s command. Then they might selectively curate and perpetuate the Other’s desire on their social media accounts, posting photos of how perfect their life is, maintaining a constant facade of the Other’s desire. And when all hell breaks lose, they wonder why it is; or why it continues to happen the way did. It’s because real life relationships are very different from relationships portrayed on social media.

What the split subject unconsciously desires will appear through the gaps of the Other’s discourse in ways they do not realize (or as I said in #33 that love is the fracture of language; the fracture of the Other’s desire). It is distorted, and only surfaces in a different form, misrecognized by consciousness. It may only come to realization through mistakes and Freudian slips. The subject is there within language, but she is not consciously realized, and therefore absent and “not-whole”.

Thus, the person we “choose” to love is two fold. In one way, we succumb to the Other’s desires in our love object, where they must be fit into the Other’s desires in some ways. Yet on the other hand, love arises from the moment this misrecognition happens. Conscious love is a misrecognition. We exchange our repressed unconscious desires for a conscious one, so to speak. Just as we might exchange one symptom for another in a clinical setting; or one partner for another, etc. Love takes the place of something or someone else (object a); like how the boyfriend would for her father’s love. This is famously known as the “paternal metaphor”.

Metaphor is subjectivity. Or if you will, love is subjectivity. The act of speaking is like a baby crying demanding for their parent’s love. Who we “choose” is a metaphor for someone else. This is what Jacques Alain-Miller meant when he said that in order for there to be a “sexual act” (sexual relationship) something must be given up on (he is referring to Lacan who reverses Freud, “There is no sexual relationship”). Love is the failure of a sexual relationship. In a similar way, to choose (desire) is to give up on something unconscious to them (a), the latter which determines the conscious choice that they made. Such as something about your wife resembles your mother. It is a mistake or misrecognition where one unconsciously mistakes their wife/husband as their mother/father. Sometimes, I hear people say, “I don’t want to date this person because they have mommy/daddy issues”. But love is transference. Therefore, everyone has mommy and daddy issues.

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Being Single For a Decade

It’s true. Though you have to keep in mind that a good chunk of those years were devoted to Renee (7 years?). There was also bunch of things that happened in between like COVID and not seeing her for 1 or 2 years where I tried to move on. My side of the story with Renee is too personal to share on here. But I’m over it. I know I was an idiot. I told myself I will never get into this situation again. Not with Eashel. Not with any woman.

When I love someone, I strive to be the best person for them. I am all in. I’m not someone who puts an egg in several baskets and can’t decide who I have feelings for and who I want to be with. I believe in loyalty, honesty, and commitment. But I’m also afraid that someone might break me the way Renee did. This is why I am very cautious with Eashel. I would give her my heart. But I also want to talk to her, take her out, and get to know her naturally at a comfortable pace. But she also has to open up a little—when she is comfortable, of course. Her mixed signals aren’t helping. So I don’t bother using my psychic powers on her. The more I do, the more she hides. So I just give her space. But if she feels the same way as I do for her, I hope she will take her chances when she still has them.

On the bright side, being single for this long isn’t that bad. You get used to it. But I admit I forgot what it feels like to hold someone close. I forgot what it is like to have someone who I can talk to about anything and everything. The future is uncertain. I don’t know what will happen. Like I don’t know if Eashel will talk to me or randomly disappear like Renee did. I don’t know if I will meet another person, or be forever alone. But if I find someone worthwhile, I will cherish her and love her to death.

At least I know this much is certain.