This will be my last post of 2025.

Today, I will talk about religion, love, psychoanalysis, cars, auditing courses, and future posts. I might hibernate and not write anything in January which is why this post is a little longer. You can read it in any order.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year!

Edit Dec 3, 2025: Yoooo I ordered several pieces of my car’s new body kit from Maxton and they just shipped! I won’t install the front lip and side skirts until spring (I have to lift the car and it’s too messy with all the snow), but I will install the spoiler extension right away! Minus the wheel specs, the exterior body will look similar to “purewhite_8r” on Instagram (link). The only minor differences are his V1 side skirts (mine are V2), and his rear valence and splitters. His car is also lowered on coilovers.😅

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“Tomorrow I will write you again in foreign language. I won’t remember a word of it, and in September, without me having even seen it again, you will burn. 

You will burn it,
it has to be you.“

—Jacques Derrida, The Post Card

* * *

“How do INTJs deal with wearing masks?”

Someone asked me this the other day and I felt bad for not responding because I was too lazy LOL. I will just say that every single person on the planet wears masks—like the mask of being an INTJ, for example. But you see masks everywhere. It’s a pretty common neurotic symptom. I wouldn’t worry.

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Future Posts

I have around 3-4 posts on psychoanalysis that are being planned. I haven’t started any of them yet. I only have random fragmented drafts, sections, and exerts from writing my random thought posts.

I can’t say for sure which ideas will be talked about in specific posts. But some concepts that I will write about will be the quarter turn and the discourses of psychoanalysis. I will touch on the relationship between psychoanalysis, science, hysteria, knowledge, and “truth”. I also plan to devote time deploying psychoanalysis as a tool through a broader cultural capitalist lens and take a deeper dive into human sexuality at an unconscious level.

Finally, I might return to clinical psychoanalysis where I talk about psychosis and perversion. People often sees perversion with a negative connotation. In psychoanalysis, perversion is not a derogatory term. Have you ever wondered why Slavoj Zizek’s famous film is called “Pervert’s Guide to Ideology”? Nearly the entire dimension of human sexuality and society is perverse.

There was also a reason why I published a post on Karl Marx and his critique of capitalism. It was necessary in order for me to open up new road maps for future writings. I intentionally gave a brief sketch on the relations between Marxism and ideology with some key Lacanian ideas because I might eventually get into some contemporary figures like Zizek’s hybrid philosophy/psychoanalytic ideas such as parallax.

* * *

Auditing University Courses

I’m not sure if I wrote about this before. But a lot of professors in public universities don’t have a problem with random people auditing their classes, even if you are not an official student of the institution and haven’t registered or paid for it. Auditing is when you sit in the class as a listener where you learn the material without getting grades or doing their assignments. Normally, you have to pay a fee to audit courses, but a lot of profs don’t care. Some profs hates the university and their ways of monetizing knowledge. But I’ve done this for several years and found it a great way to expose myself to new ideas. You don’t get any certificates or anything, but it’s pretty much free education Lol.

You can look up the course schedules somewhere on the uni website (at least it was true for me). Then make sure you email them in advance and ask nicely. Show genuine interest in their field and they will usually let you audit their classes. Some profs will even send you the course schedule and let you participate in some of their course activities with other students. A few even went as far as buying me coffee. When you do this, just remember to be respectful and mindful of others who are trying to pass the course. You might also make some friends too.

Keep in mind that you don’t always need to ask the prof. If the class is big enough, you can dress like a student and randomly sit in lecture theaters of all sorts of courses that are taking place. I always chose seats close to the stairs and doors to avoid detection. It lets me get out ASAP when the lecture ends so I won’t get stuck in traffic of 100+ students trying to leave. Though I will sometimes go talk to the prof and introduce myself at the end of class.

I remember I managed to get permission to take a graduate seminar on deconstruction and psychoanalysis as an Open Studies student before I even got accepted for my masters degree. They ended up letting me transfer the credits I got from that class towards my masters program.

The university bookstore is a place where you have a chance to find cool academic books that you can’t buy in big chain bookstores. It’s the perfect place for hardcore nerds. I bought a chunk of my Seminars of Jacques Lacan from there. They also sold a lot of stationaries that I was into Lol. I still sometimes go every once awhile.

* * *

“Is it true that your mentor was a student of Alain Badiou?”

Yes. I’m pretty low key about it. I’m not at liberty to reveal a name, but my mentor was the student of one of the world’s most renown and influential philosophers of our time. It’s super cool for sure. 🙂

There is no reason for me to lie to you. I remember I wrote about this somewhere. It was probably on my post on Badiou from back in grad school (link). That post is actually bugged out and I can’t edit it at all. There are also a few other random thought posts that reverted back to older versions that I can’t do anything about. Not that I ever reread them. I don’t remember most of the things I said Lol.

* * *

Looks vs intelligence

Psychoanalysis aside.
Looks do matter. Anyone who says it doesn’t are probably lying. But it only matters up to a certain point. Luckily, there are lots of ways to make yourself more physically attractive. Staying fit is one of them. And by fit, I don’t mean big muscles bench pressing 500lb or doing big booty squats. I simply mean staying active and healthy.

Learning to wear clothes that fits is another big one. Don’t be that person who wears t-shirts and hoodies with stretched out collars or something. Dressing well requires you to be a little more expressive with some levels of confidence of who you are and what you like. Knowing what looks good and having your own taste of clothes is important. People can tell when you put in effort because you have to think about how you should dress (effort) and buy clothes that are not from Amazon or Walmart. It’s an investment for sure. I think learning to dress is sort of like learning to taste fine wine or coffee, it requires a cultivated taste and a little bit of trial and error.

Intelligence also matters. But there are different types of intelligence. Here, I am speaking of “intelligence intelligence”. Have you ever spoke to someone who is really physically attractive but is a potato? That’s not sexy. But have you spoke to someone who is both physically attractive AND very intelligent? That’s intimidating and it might even make me feel insecure.😅 This is where humility and modesty becomes a critical component to being intelligent and attractive. You will come off as cocky if you are too full of yourself. And being over confident is not sexy—no matter how sexy you might actually be.

Research suggests that intelligent people often suffers from loneliness because they tend to see the world for what it really is. I can empathize for sure. And I think this is where I would separate the difference between intelligence and wisdom; even if they often go hand in hand. Being intelligent doesn’t always mean you are wise.

Wisdom comes from living, suffering, surviving, learning, growing, and experiencing life in all its flavours—whether it be sweet, sour, or bitter. It should never just one or the other. If life was always sweet, then you just get diabetes. Some of these experiences will become your brightest memories or the deepest scars in your life. This is what gives people character and makes them attractive. For what is more attractive than the experience of life itself? It is what separates someone from being “OMG SHE IS SO HOT” who you might only see as someone for sexy time, to “She is very beautiful”. I think this is applicable to pretty much everyone. So I guess intelligence, wisdom, and attraction are also like fine wine.😅 I rarely even drink.

* * *

Divorces are scary

After watching my sister go through one, people should be careful on who they marry. Especially in our day and age when there are so many red flags out there. Divorces are crazy expensive and it can easily bankrupt you if the other party chooses to fight it out. Lawyer fees aren’t cheap.

* * *

“You would make a good father.”

Someone told me they think I would make a good dad after he saw me show some kid my labubu because they took interest in it LOL. That got me laughing pretty hard. Me? As a father? 😂😂

You know, I might be a troll and an inappropriate jokester with a ridiculous sense of humor, but if I had kids, I would do anything for them. I would teach them everything I know and they will grow up to be 100 times smarter than I will ever be.🥹 I would die for them. With this said, I’m definitely forever alone. It’s all good though. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. I’m also the type of partner who writes romantic love letters.😂 Seriously though, letter writing is a lost art.

Meanwhile, kids these days only knows how to type on their dating apps going like “R U HORNY 2?”.😵‍💫 I don’t even get how people do it. I don’t use them. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than use dating apps.

* * *

Best Japanese Car Brands

My personal experience tier list in terms of reliability would be like this:

1. Toyota / Lexus
2. Honda / Acura
3. Mazda
4. Subaru
5. Suzuki and Mitsubishi
6. Nissan / Infiniti

Toyota and Lexus are the best brands when it comes to reliability. My first car was a 1997 Toyota Camry and it was a great car. Then I sold it to a friend where her boyfriend totaled it.🤡 The old V6 RAV4s are really good cars that runs forever. They’re also pretty fast for an SUV. Meanwhile, Lexus is like the Mercedes of Japanese cars (Toyota owns Lexus). I would pick Lexus over Mercedes if maintenance and reliability are the most important. I would only choose Mercedes if I wanted to get an AMG and plan on selling my kidneys to repair it. I think AMG cars are a different animal altogether, just like the BMW M cars.

I briefly owned a used Mercedes GLA250 before I sold it for a new VW Golf 8R. The A-class sucks and I could care less about the perceived “social status”. The R was more expensive than the GLA, but I have no regrets. It’s been nearly 2 years since I’ve owned the R and it still makes me happy every time I sit in the cockpit.🙃 Cars are not good financial decisions because they’re depreciating assets. But if you ask me, the R is priceless.😊 It’s almost paid off. So it’s whatever.

Honda and Acura are both solid picks (Honda owns Acura). The Honda Civic and the Civic Type R are iconic. The CR-V is also a great car that runs forever. I think the CR-V and the RAV4 were the OG trend setters for the current popularity of SUVs. My neighbor down the street bought the new FL5 Type R last year and turned it into an anime car. 🤡

I think Mazda makes really good underrated cars. They feature sporty handling with nice interiors for the price you pay. There is also the almighty Miata that many enthusiasts likes. Subaru seems to be pretty good too, but they are more maintenance hungry. They’re an iconic brand for rally racing known for their AWD system. And of course, there is the fan favorite WRX and the discontinued STi which holds value really well. Mitsubishi, I can’t speak much of. I ranked it lower because one of my friend who drives one seem to always have car issues. But it’s not a fair assessment. So I would put it next to Suzuki and consider it in the middle of the pack.

Nissan has gone downhill when they started cutting costs to become profitable. Their cars are now riddled with poor quality control and CVT issues. They’ve become famous for it now. Don’t get me wrong, Nissan has made some iconic cars like the GT-R and 350Z. And I’m sure their cars are still good if well maintained (?). But it seems like they stopped selling enthusiast cars and went for the mainstream SUVs and crossovers.

This is true for most car brands because the SUV and crossover market is where the money is at. The platforms for enthusiast cars are very expensive to develop and doesn’t always sell well due to the high MSRP cost. This was one reason why Toyota partnered with BMW to develop the platform for the Mk5 Supra. While the Supra is a Toyota, it actually uses a BMW B58 engine. It is why people meme on the new Supra and go like, “Nice BMW”. 😂

Maybe I will do a German car tier list next time. But I think it will be much more difficult to rank them.

* * *

Golf GTI Girl, Neighbour, and Eashel (and Renee)

You know the cute Golf GTI girl I spoke about some posts ago? I saw her again the other day at the local coffee shop. At first we were sitting at different tables. Then the people who were sitting at the big table left. I decided to move because I wanted more space. Then she ended up moving as well and sat right across from me.🥹 We had a small chat where I introduced myself and shook her hand. Her name is Emily and she is studying nursing.

She was very focused and seemed a little stressed. I’m not surprised though. She introduced me to Self-Determination Theory which I thought was interesting. Then I saw her again the other day where I complimented on her hair. She told me she has to memorize every muscle in the human body. She also let me read one of her essays. It was actually pretty good for her level.

She told me she used to drive a Mk6 Golf GTI and got a mandatory court appearance for speeding LOL. Then her parents got mad and sold the GTI. Now she drives a Mini Cooper.😂 I asked if it was the Cooper S (they’re fast) and she was like, “I wish!”. 😂 I told her I drive a Golf R and she got really excited (the R has more performance than the GTI). She told me her top speed was 215 km/h on the GTI. That’s very fast, and also dangerous and reckless. It’s not worth risking other people’s lives.

She knows I think she is cute. But she is likely too young for me. Though I don’t know how old she is. I got the sense she wanted me to invite her out for food because she kept telling me that she was hungry. If she was trying to drop a hint, then I pulled a classic Bobby and totally missed it.😂 But maybe I’ll take her to McDonalds.🤡 Or is she jealous of Eashel and would prefer the Home Depot experience? 🤡 Some guy went up to her right when I was about to leave where she was extremely quick to tell me that he is her brother. It was almost like she didn’t want me to think he was her boyfriend.🤔

Do you want my honest thoughts? “So far”, I actually enjoy talking to Eashel more than Emily. It feels different—like, very different. But it’s too soon to tell. Talking to Eashel back then made me feel something (anxiety? lol). It was special. I hope I will meet someone who will make me feel this way again.🥹 You know, I never meant to intrude Eashel’s emotional space, but if she told me she never felt anything for me, then I would call her a liar 100%.

I’m also pretty sure Eashel told her coworkers about me. I don’t really care, but I know who they are because some of them can’t stop staring like they know so much about me LOL. I know I’m really handsome, but they don’t have to look at me like that.😂 I’m joking.

Eashel is sweet, charming, and a bit naive. She is very pretty, kind hearted, and likely have plenty of thirsty dudes that she meets at random parties orbiting her waiting to get a shot. I highly doubt any of these dudes would admit it. Most are also likely red flags. As an older guy, I know how boys think (it’s pretty basic and boring, honestly). Whereas me? I’m retired. I mean she has never met anyone like me before, that’s for sure. In the beginning, I wanted to build something meaningful with her that will last. I wasn’t in it for a fling or anything. I was serious. Honestly, I’m not sure if she is ready for it. Only she would know. It just seems like she still has room for growth which is totally okay. We all do. And I might be wrong, but she probably still parties a lot LOL. I’m not waiting around though, even if I might be forever alone. I just want her to be happy.

Eashel tries to hide everything now and I understand why. Unfortunately, the more she hides it, the more I can see it. But I focus on my own things and try to give her lots of space. My advice for her “if” she one day wants to turn things around? Stop hiding and overthinking it. If you have nothing to hide, then there is nothing for me to see. Be confident, sincere, and genuine. It shouldn’t be hard for her. She knows I won’t bite. But I will also never ask her out again, even if we talk. I will only reconsider if she buys me flowers and leaves it on my car (I’m joking….kind of?????).🤡 Like I don’t know if she is still taken, single, or if she has Ben or Joe lining up to date her. But I’m not going to be her third choice. The ball is on her court. If she wants to say hi, I will return the favour. If she wants to go out with me for sushi, I will happily take her. If not, that’s okay too. I won’t sweat it. I value good communication. So she now knows where I stand because I know she reads this. But for her sake, I’ll pretend that I don’t know.😏

Meanwhile, my neighbour’s daughter is actually a mega cutie. I don’t even know how I missed it until now. She looks a bit like Eashel though LOL. They lived next door for like 5 years. The other day, I saw her walk to her car when I was driving off to a round of disc golf. I had my windows rolled down where I smiled and waved at her and she waved back. Then I looked in the mirror and saw her checking out my car—or maybe she was like “Damn, this guy is definitely top 5 most handsome Asian guy in Canada” LMAO sorry I’ll stop.😂😂 She used to drive a Mitsubishi Lancer with a pretty loud exhaust, so she is “probably” into cars. I’ve never spoke to her though. I’ve only spoken to her mom and brother. When it’s nice out, I sometimes pull up a chair and sit next to my car while I read outside where I would run into her mom walking the dog and chat with her. Maybe I’ll figure something out. But I won’t hold my breath.

What about Renee? I haven’t seen her in a long time. Every time she shows up, she kind of just like to stand around and ends up breaking my heart.🥲 While things never turned out well between us, I hope she is doing well. Would I talk to her if I saw her again? I probably would. But it also depends on what we talk about. She might have to buy me flowers and apologize LOL. That would be really funny.🤡 Is there a chance that we would get together if the situation permits? I don’t have an answer.

* * *

God, Religion, and Psychoanalysis

God and religion are big themes that has been explored by many psychoanalysts. In fact, a big part of Freudian psychoanalysis involved analyzing religions on why people believed there is a “higher being” known as God. He began by exploring ancient tribes and sought for answers through mythical stories that people produced (it’s from a book called, Totem and Taboo). Long story short, he saw how these narratives had a tendency to transform God into animal figures who are imbued with power and law, which functions as a metaphor for their symptoms of neurosis.

These God figures who beholds the power of law is what Lacan refers as the “paternal-metaphor”; or as the father’s metaphor (think of the popular saying, “You are your father’s son!”). For example, we can think of God, the metaphor for the father figure, who lays down the law by telling you to not sin. In psychoanalysis, religions and myths are one of the earliest symptoms of neurosis in human history, just like all other dimensions of human civilization.

The term “God” is exchangeable with the impositions of the Other and society. It is the father who says “No! Your mother is mine! Go find another woman!” and imprints the law onto the child. The Other is the higher being who dominates the subject and regulates their jouissance (i.e. their ability to satisfy their desires and the pleasure principle). Metaphorically speaking, the Other is the one who makes you feel guilty after you fly down the street in a fast car at 100km/h in a 50km zone. Or that, “cheating on your partner is wrong”. The Other punishes, kills, and takes over the subject.

In fact, the subject can only speak through the Other’s words like a filter. They submit to the Other’s command even if they think otherwise. The subject doesn’t exist in their own words except through cracks and gaps of their knowledge. This is why Freud pointed out how the feeling of guilt is one of the primary symptoms of neurosis. It reveals an underlying unconscious structure that produces this feeling—even without the presence of law enforcement. It is this existence of “God”, namely the big Other, who usurps the subject via the symbolic. In this sense, God is a metaphor or “symbolism” of the Other, if you will.

The symbolic produces our identities, laws, cultures, traditions, knowledge, and understanding. Yet it is only through the gaps of these experiences which produces truth—or a “truly” new knowledge, like a scientific discovery. This gap only appears through our words and thoughts by chance (Freudian slips). It is the same reason why love too, only happens by chance. It is an accident. Most importantly, and this is paradoxical, we only perceive these experiences (Freudian slips) as an “accident” through consciousness and the effects of the symbolic Other. Even when there are no mistakes. Yet at the same time, it is often said that the unconscious consist of a form of pure contingency that is as incalculable as the famous double slit experiment.

With this said, I have nothing against any religions. I find them all equally interesting at an intellectual level. I’ve actually read the Upanishads (Hinduism) and studied a good chunk of Daoism and Buddhism back in the days.

* * *

“What is a definitive sign that someone has developed deep feelings for you but don’t realize it?”

They think/talk about you at night before they fall asleep and when they wake up. Basically, you are the first and last thought that runs through their mind. You are their sunrise and sunset.🥹 Unfortunately, you can’t figure this out from just talking to them—even if they send you a good morning or good night text, since these might not be their very first thoughts. But why do I say that this is the ultimate sign? I’m going to digress a little and try to shed some light.

In a world where people are so concerned about “mental health” and being “normal”. Let us try to normalize madness.

If you ask me, true love is far more rare than what most people think. Love is a very perilous experience. It’s not simply euphoria or happiness. As the Ancient Greek philosophers might have it, love is actually quite tragic. Part of me doubt it exists in every single marriage and relationships that you see out there. Some exists because of lust and sex.

When you love someone, you want them to be happy, which often comes with great personal sacrifices. Love is selfless. But you also tend to always think and talk about them. This is true when you are in a relationship. It is also true when you are married. But it is also true if you are single. Have you ever met that one person who always complains about their ex, yet they can’t stop talking about them to other people? Yeah, they’re still into them. They’re just living in denial. Or it’s like that random girl you meet who can’t stop talking about some guy to you. Unless she is being manipulative, she is probably into him (keep in mind that many women will talk about another guy in front of other men to tell them to not get the wrong idea—or they bring up their boyfriend).

Love is impossible because it is mad and sane at the same time. It makes no sense to any of our conscious reasoning and meanings that we use to describe it. Perhaps we might try to articulate it out loud or write cheesy one liners, tell our best friends, but our words always fall short. Language can’t explain it all. It is never enough. Yet, we can only speak through language. This is why Zizek points out that if you have a reason to love someone, you don’t really love them. Something escapes between the gaps of our spoken thoughts. Something transcends beyond it. Love is this very fracture of language. It escapes you and riddles you with your symptoms.

When you love, your entire world turns upside down. You might even become obsessed with the object of affection who fills your mind and heart. You may try to keep yourself sane and turn away from it because the Other tells you that it is too obsessive. But perhaps all of our efforts that we put into steering away from it will only lead us down its intended path. Make no mistake, we do not get to choose who we love. It’s like my sister’s ex husband, whose name is Eric in the same way that my parents wanted to name me Eric when I was little. It’s not an accident. Love is transference.

As our experience of love for the other grows, you will get to hopefully, learn more about this special person. This takes an immense amount of time, effort, and consideration. In return, you might develop a new form of emotional connection with them beyond the initial “fall” of falling in love. This love would transform into the possibility of lasting and enduring love. Yet, all of this requires us to take a leap of faith. And the more you think about it, the more you won’t do it, as Jean-Paul Sartre might say.

What takes place at the center of psychoanalysis is this unconscious movement of love. Yet, our attempts to understand our love for the other is actually a form of resistance and defensive mechanism against love itself (hence, the more we think about it, the more we won’t do it). One important lesson Lacan once taught his students about psychoanalysis is that the more you try to understand it, the more you will deviate and fail to understand it. Desire leads us away from truth. Stop trying to understand it.

Perhaps we have all experienced a time where we forgot something in the house and we keep failing to recall what it is. And it isn’t until we stop trying to remember where we finally remember what it was. Just like the act of understanding love, remembering too, is a form of resistance. It is similar to the analysand who free associates and recalls their memories in a clinical setting which is actually a “screened memory” (an essay from Freud). In the same way, the more you try to answer the question of love, the more you won’t answer it. The more you try, the more you fail. Yet, this “answer” to love may arrive before us when we least expect it and when we stop trying to answer it—or precisely, when we stop looking for it. Love is singular and absolute.

While all love carries an infinite movement that lasts forever across our minds, hearts, space, and time, there is no love that does not end in a physical sense. Every form of love will eventually crash and burn. This is part of the tragedy. It is as inevitable part to life as death itself. But this is also the beauty of it. It’s the fact that we know our love for someone will one day come to an end which makes it worth living for; regardless of whether this love lasted for one year or one life time. While the experience of this tragedy might kill parts of us, it doesn’t stop us from searching for love. For we can’t live without it. It is mad. It is hysterical. And it drives you insane. When you find it, you literally become “madly in love”. And paradoxically so, it also makes you really happy.

I often hear people downplay the role of love who goes “Oh it’s just a crush!”. I think this an overly simplified and naive assumption. If you ask me, it’s either lust or love. There is no such thing as a “crush” unless you consider it as lust. Love steals over us and sweeps us away before we even consciously recognize it, and have the ability to question it.

I speak of all this vaguely and broadly. But I think that if love lasts forever, it won’t be special anymore. People often romanticize love into something that is happily ever after, even when love carries a profound tragic dimension to it that is absolutely devastating. Love is life and death at the same time. It is a risk and a struggle that requires sacrifice and hard work. Love can do incredible things in our lives and for others. But it can also destroy us and throw us into the abyss. Yet, at the end, love is always worth it.

“To love is to struggle, beyond solitude, with everything in the world that can animate existence. This world where I see for myself the fount of happiness my being with someone else brings. “I love you” becomes: in this world there is the fount you are for my life. In the water from this fount, I see our bliss, yours first. As in Mallarme’s poem, I see:

In the wave you become
Your naked ecstasy.”

—Alain Badiou, In Praise of Love.