The INTJ: A Guide to Understanding a Bobby


“I am no man, I am dynamite!” —Friedrich Nietzsche

I write a lot about philosophy on here, but I never write about MBTI typological theories because I often think it can’t represent the complexities of human consciousness. While I recognize the theoretical limits of MBTI, when typed correctly, it can sketch out various dimensions of a person’s personality with relative accuracy (unfortunately, many people are not typed accurately). I mostly see MBTI as a tool to understand other people and self improvement. This post was written a long time ago (I write a lot but never publish anything lol). As such, I may edit this over time. 

In the past, I’ve met MBTI enthusiasts who wanted to get to know INTJs but have no clue how to talk to them in real life. Today, I will offer you a guide on the INTJ personality. I will give you a general idea on how an INTJ’s mind work, their infamous death stare, and reveal some of the secrets of an INTJ’s prophet like abilities for predicting the future and reading people. I will show you the subtle things people miss when an INTJ loves you and offer insights on what to pay attention to when talking to them. Hopefully, this post will give justice to my fellow INTJ comrades on all the misunderstandings people have on them.

The INTJ is one of the most mystical personality types that people encounter because it is rare to have Introverted Intuition (Ni) as dominant function. They are authentic, intense, and single minded individuals with a quiet and cool confidence to them. Similar to INTPs, many INTJs are well known for their intellectual prowess and deep perceptions. Externally, they often appear as formidable big picture thinkers who are emotionally distant and serious. Yet internally, they have a rich emotional world with strong moral values. Treating an INTJ based on their external behaviors will only lead to misunderstandings. INTJs have a playful and soft side to them that only people who they are close to gets to see. There is a 10 year old child and an old wise man who lives in all INTJs. In order to understand them, you have to get a general grasp at how their intuitive world works.

Many INTJs exhibits an aura of mystery that surrounds them. For most people, they will forever remain a mystery. They are known to be incredibly private. It is not uncommon for people to know very little about them even after knowing them for years. When it comes to friends and relationships, they value quality over quantity. They are the type of people who you can only get close to if they let you, or if you are persistent enough to break through their walls and know how to understand them. While not all INTJs are equal, they are insightful individuals who may stun you with their knowledge and intelligence which sets them apart from others (a good chunk of those who tops the IQ charts are INTJs). They are hard people to find because they are one of the rarest personality types in the world. I will tell you where to find them at the end, but the odds of getting to know them are against you if you don’t know how to understand them. From personal experience, it is usually the really outgoing person who unbashfully introduce themselves to me and asks me a ton of questions that befriends me (Lol). 

I am an INTJ with enneagram type 4w5. Since I am a type 4, this makes me one of the more self-aware, self-expressive, emotional, and moody INTJs out there. The tricky thing about me is that I also commonly test as an INFJ where my enneagram also tests as 5w4 (type 5 is commonly found in INTJs; type 4 in INFJ and INFP). My T/F in most tests sits close to 50/50. After much consideration, I think I am an INTJ with a developed Fi, and not an INFJ; even if I can sometimes appear like an INFJ, INFP, and ENTJ. Developed INTJ and INFJs can be difficult to tell apart. Both types have a very deep emotional core where they can be very spiritual. 

Famous INTJs: Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, Karl Marx, Jean-Paul Sartre, Friedrich Nietzsche, G.W.F. Hegel, Ayn Rand, Jane Austen, Edward Snowden, Christopher Nolan, James Cameron, Jay Z, Ludwig van Beethoven, Leopold Mozart.

Famous Fictional INTJs: Bruce Wayne (Batman), Sherlock Holmes, Beth Harmon (Queen’s Gambit), Severus Snape (Harry Potter), Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter), V (V for Vendetta), Magneto (X-Men), Thanos (MCU), Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars), Maleficent, Andy Dufresne (The Shawshank Redemption).

INTJ’s cognitive function stack from most to least preferred:

1. Introverted Intuition (Ni) – Ni is a subconscious cognition that happens to be INTJ’s (and INFJ’s) most conscious function. Ni users passively collects information observed from the world and categorizes them into their mind which produces patterned insights over time. This groundless function is what gives INTJs the ability to build very large and complex world models in their heads and how everything relates and work with each other under the surface of reality. Ni is the reason why INxJs are powered by the theoretical, intangible, and ambiguous abstract meanings to the things they see. They will often use Ni to enrich their understandings and experiences of the world. While INTJs uses the letter J (Judging) in their typology, their primary function of Ni is actually a perceiving function. This is why INTJs are not as judgmental as what most people think (will get to this later).

2. Extroverted Thinking (Te) – This is the judging function of an INTJ. Te is used to figure out the validity of the information gathered by Ni, Fi, and Se. Te is the main reason why people often sees INTJ as emotionally distant and serious. Just go on YouTube and watch an interview of Mark Zuckerberg and you will see his highly developed Te when he talks. In general, Te users strives for logic, efficiency, and refinement which explains why many INTJs are precise and direct with their thoughts, words, and actions. This function also seeks out skepticism, application and simplification of an INTJ’s Ni insights and ideas. When Te is combined with Ni (known as the “flow state”), INTJs become really driven, intense, and focused. 

3. Introverted Feeling (Fi) – Types who uses Fi as their dominant or auxiliary (second) function are known for being emotional types who often have strong personal identity, morals and values (ENFP, INFP, ESFP, ISFP). But because INTJs have it in their third function, people sometimes refer INTJs as one of the most sensitive and emotional thinking types despite appearing calculating and cold on the outside. One of the reasons why INTJs are hard to know is because Fi is directed internally where their emotions and feelings are kept to themselves. Due to this, it takes time to figure out what they are actually feeling. There are many occasions where INTJs realizes that they were unintentionally too blunt and rude with their Te, where Fi makes them feel bad.

4. Extroverted Sensing (Se) – Se is INTJ’s weakest function which focuses on physical senses and attunement to their surroundings. This is why they can sometimes appear absent minded and lack attention to what goes on around them. It is also why many INTJs aren’t always action oriented like Se-dominants (ESTP and ESFP) who are people that lives in the moment. Since Se is INTJ’s weakest function, it explains why a lot of them prefers to not leave the house until they develop Se where they want to explore the world.

General Introduction to the INTJ

While INTJs may appear mysterious, they are pretty easy to read if you know what to look for. From the outside, many well developed INTJ’s are exceptionally concise and consistent with their world views, thoughts, morals, and words (INTJs can also be emotionally expressive and empathetic). Many INTJs I know will try their best to not be hypocrites—even if we all are at some point. They always live and act in ways that makes most logical sense to them and true to themselves in the most consistent manner (especially those with a developed Fi). INTJs often won’t make promises they cannot keep. Unlike what most people think, an INTJ’s pragmatic action via Te-Se only comes after processing their Ni.

Since Ni is INTJ’s dominant function, their first and foremost job is to observe, analyze, and understand. They are walking encyclopedias who are often revered experts in their respective fields. Most INTJs are exceptionally good at what they put their mind to which earns respect from their peers. Many INTJs are also actively aware of what they do not know and will admit to it when you ask them something outside of their field of knowledge. They are self-aware and excellent students. It is not uncommon that they will seek those who they think are more knowledgeable in certain areas for advice or to acquire new knowledge.

Many INTJs are self-improvers who don’t compare themselves with others. They like to be around people who can grow with them. INTJs tend to not have much respect for rules and authority of any sorts—especially rules that makes no sense. They won’t blindly follow rules and traditions just because everyone follows them. Most INTJ’s aren’t impressed by identity, social status or credentials. They are hard to impress which is why they rarely give compliments (and when they do, they mean it). What gives an INTJ their quiet confidence is how they simply don’t care what others think of them unless it is someone they value. INTJs are the type of people who are unapologetically themselves. They are steadfast and self-assured who don’t need external validation from others.

INTJs often won’t twist and turn their sentences. When they are required to be less direct due to social expectations, they may use humor to get their point across or straight up ignore them (which may ironically make them humorous due to how honest they can be). INTJ humor is often self-depreciative, sarcastic, dark, and dry (think, The Office). INTJs can train themselves to become really good socializers, teachers, entertainers, and public speakers which makes them appear like an extrovert.

A lot of INTJs are also careless with their appearance and may dress in physically unattractive ways. But if they have a developed Se, they can be really stylish with classy and refined tastes in clothing, music, food, and other Se interests (think of Beth Harmon from Queens Gambit who is really intelligent and stylish). Finally, INTJs behave according to what they think is most true over what a group or society believes to be true. Hence, they may act in ways others do not expect. If the situation calls for it, INTJs may sometimes come off as insensitive to group morality and people’s feelings because they have no problem telling people that they are wrong. Older INTJs tend to be more strategic, mindful, and diplomatic when a situation like this occurs. 

As a result of these contradicting qualities, INTJs tend to only attract specific types of people. They are usually one of the smartest and dumbest people in the room with a talent for disruption. Ironically, what attracts people to them also comes from these contradicting personality traits. Their enigmatic, mysterious, and esoteric character will naturally draw curiosity from others. Not to mention that many INTJs are agents for change who may dazzle you with their wealth of knowledge about the world. Some people can immediately pick up on what type of person an INTJ is and find their preference for truth and honesty a breath of fresh air; whereas others finds it annoying, rude, and intimidating. While INTJs may deter people, those who likes them tends to like them a lot.

The INTJ Mind

“Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind.” —Immanuel Kant

An INTJ uses Introverted Intuition (Ni) to collect a dense web of information from the world (via Se) where everything gets categorized and stored in the INTJ’s mind. This is what allows an INTJ to connect various pieces of information together which grants them to see the underlying connections and patterns embedded in the world. They are interested in the deeper meanings of everything they perceive with their senses (Se)—particularly the things that they see with their eyes (hence they are often coined as “visionaries”). They tend to be interested in abstract ideas, meanings, symbols, and systems and how things work underneath the surface of the world that they perceive through Ni. INTJs are very good at understanding the fundamental truth, causes, and meanings that exists behind reality and gain insights on how they work together; whether it be society, a building, a computer software, music, video game, the human mind, or people in general. From understanding these complex web of information that Ni gathers from the world, they are able to not only build a complex internal system of the world around them, they can predict what might happen in the future which makes them appear like prophets and mystics.

This is where the INTJ’s “death stare” comes from (it is a real phenomenon; sometimes known as the “Ni-gaze”) which occurs when they are trying to absorb information about someone or something through their Ni. INTJs are well known for their tempered steel gaze that pierces through people’s soul (it is also found in INFJ and sometimes in ESFPs). Many people freak out when an Ni-dom stares at them because it looks like they can see right through you. When you notice an INTJ stare at you, they are analyzing you to your last atom. Through the use of Ni-Se, INTJs are really good observers which allows them to make discoveries about the things they see.

Through the INTJ’s web of information that they subconsciously collect and categorize, they gain “Ni insights” which awaits to be verified by Extroverted Thinking (Te). Te is a pragmatic function which helps INTJs verify their Ni insights and if they are true in the real world. This Ni-Te process is what makes INTJs formidable theorists and analysts. Not only do their Ni have an ability to pick up information and patterns that most people miss, these patterns and insights are often correct—hence giving them a mystical vibe of knowing things before they even happen. Many INTJs with a developed Te may ignore their Ni and rely more on rational systems (in this case, they might be an ENTJ), while other INTJs will trust their Ni more than their Te. INTJs sometimes have a highly developed Te because society privileges the benefits that Te offers (efficiency, pragmatism, etc.).

The reductionism of an INTJ’s thinking style can be recognized when they take two or more events that appear to have nothing to do with each other and somehow sees similarities in them. If you pay attention to some of my writings, you may notice that I tend to draw from a vast range of examples that appear to have nothing to do with each other on the surface, yet find underlying patterns and reconcile them under an originary idea (my last post on psychoanalysis and love is a good example; it can be found hyperlinked here). Reductionism is often related to Ni and is sometimes explained through the metaphor of a magnify glass which focuses many different rays of light (or Ni insights) into a single point.

However complex these insights appear, INTJ’s Te often contradicts and challenges Ni. Where Ni might say, “This person likes me very much”, the skeptical Te will say, “How is this insight correct? There could be many other reasons and possibilities”. Many Te users are about skepticism, application, and simplification. This allows an INTJ to extrapolate, refine, and challenge their Ni insights which helps produce an even sharper and more accurate idea from it. An INTJ will try to approve and disapprove their Ni in an attempt to test its accuracy and relevance in the real world. Yet, it is also between Ni-Te that makes an INTJ play devil’s advocate on themselves which produces self doubt.

But because INTJs are Ni-dominants, they tend to develop their intuitive insights first and verify it afterwards with Te (or sometimes with Fi and Se). Ni-doms have the ability to come to conclusions without knowing how they got there, where they “know without knowing” (until they use Te). Furthermore, Ni users will likely consider numerous possibilities and conclusions before they speak about them. This is why INTJs will talk about conclusions as if they are certain that it is correct; or why they don’t speak unless they know what they are talking about. Many people think INTJs are judgmental, closed minded, and jumps to conclusions, even when this is often far from the case. When people talk about how INTJs are “goal oriented”, they are oriented towards their Ni which consists of achieving some kind of vision, idea, or thought that can be observed and applied to the real world.

The renown intensity of an INTJ comes from trying to get to the core of their insights through Te (they can also display this intensity in silence). As a result, this makes the INTJ’s words come across as a powerful lightning strike. Sometimes when an INTJ speaks, their words become fast and precise where they cut straight to the heart of a problem that they are trying to address. When INTJs are proving a point, their words are meant to be impactful because they are trying to get to the truth of the subject at hand. This occurance often comes out the wrong way to the other person where they think they are angry, even when it is their focus, temper, and confidence that is going through the roof while having it all under control. This is what gives INTJs their commanding presence when they speak about the things they know. Their words are so full of conviction where they may take over the room and everyone either quietly listens or cowers in fear. During this state, the INTJ becomes one of the most unyielding, passionate, and dominating thinking types. Be prepared for a debate if you challenge them. Unless you hold special status, INTJs will go for your throat.

This Ni-Te relationship is what gives INTJs their intense drive and focus. When they are determined to achieve or prove an Ni insight (conclusions or visions of a future they see), you better move aside. If you get in their way by trying to enforce useless rules, they will walk over you (think of your stereotypical ENTJ like Tony Stark or Dr. Strange from MCU whose personality have a tendency to walk over everyone). This drive between Ni-Te is what makes them determined and committed individuals. It is the reason why they often become really good at what they do which earns respect from their peers.

INTJ and People

Due to how the INTJ’s mind work, an INTJ who puts effort into understanding people will likely know who they are before the person gets to know anything about them (very similar to INFJs). While they can read people like a book or as a problem to solve, people will have trouble reading them. INTJs have an excellent judge of character and will likely see through most people’s everyday masks, intentions, and know when they are being insincere and fake. 

INTJs will determine if you are a potential friend or romantic partner by detecting the patterns within the things you say versus the things you do. Many INTJs likes people who are consistent, curious, respect boundaries, and are authentic with them. Some people feel self conscious around INTJs because they have an uncanny ability to analyze people to their last atom. People are afraid of INTJs knowing all their secrets—even when they don’t know anything other than an intuitive hunch (hunches and insights which are often correct). 

INTJs are driven by their curiosity for the unknown. They naturally try to connect the dots and recognize patterns in everything they see. They may form various temporary conclusions about people that changes over time, but they don’t really judge them, even if it appears like it on the surface. It’s more like, “This person likes to drink root beer for breakfast? Cool story bro”. Similar to INTPs, a lot of them are collectors of (useless) knowledge which either serves as their entertainment or curiosity. Not many things phases them because they are really hard to offend.

INTJs are walking lie detectors who can detect the most subtle pattern discrepancies in people if they put their mind to it. The best way to deal with this is to be as open and honest with them as possible. Try not to keep secrets from them. Not knowing is much worse than knowing a truth that an INTJ does not want to hear. If you want a shot at getting close to an INTJ (and INFJ), do not lie because they can tell or will eventually figure it out (if they catch you, they might not call you out on it, but they will keep it in mind). Intentionally hiding things from an INTJ may tell them that you are being inauthentic which will make them question their future relationship with you (especially if you are hiding bad things). In scenarios where they catch you being inauthentic, they will keep you at arms length instead of letting you get close.

While INTJs may appear uninterested in human matters, they can use very little information to determine and predict lots of things about people via Ni-Te. It can be a single word someone says or miniscule shift in their intentionality which disrupts the Ni’s web of information / patterns which makes an INTJ become curious. Sometimes, it can be behavioral and even micro-gestural—such as the tiniest pauses between words or the split second of eye contact, or how a person walks. In some cases, it can be people who are acting normal. It can also be a series of events that happens on the same day which makes an INTJ question why they occurred all at once. Where most people would immediately write it off as coincidence or don’t recognize the pattern at all, an INTJ might theorize what might be happening underneath these chain of events; just like how they analyze the underlying structure of reality. Essentially, INTJs uses their Ni to provide insights about people where they will use Te and Se to verify it.

This is why INTJs can easily distinguish good people from the selfish and manipulative. It is also why an INTJ who chooses to spend time with you is a compliment of the highest order. Not only do INTJs sees time as a valuable resource for their freedom (as do most people), they also see many people as a waste of time due to how superficial and fake some of them can be. While INTJs won’t mind casual conversations with people they regularly see, they are usually only interested in establishing meaningful relationships. This however, does not mean that INTJs don’t know how to have fun. They can be really fun if you can bring them out of their shell—a job best suited for an extroverted type (ENFP, ENTP, ESFP, etc.). 

The first thing you want to do when talking to an INTJ is to forget most of the unspoken social rules you know. Many people likes to communicate through body language and dropping hints between the lines so to maintain social harmony. With INTJs, you can give it to them straight (just don’t be rude about it). Your best bet at approaching an INTJ is to go up to them and be as bold, sincere, and direct like you have never before with anyone else. You should be as authentic and upfront with them as you can—even if you can’t read them properly yet. They appreciate people who are open and honest with them. You need to show them that you are a genuine person in order for them to open up to you. As long as you do these things, a lot of them will accept you for who you are. A mature INTJ understands that no one is perfect and everyone is good at certain things while bad at others, including themselves. If you approach them sideways by lying or playing games, you will run into a brick wall very quickly.

Many INTJs sees social games as a waste of time, so you are dead to them the moment they realize you are playing games—especially manipulative mind games. Their ways of dealing with this can be quite surgical. Some will cut you out of their lives without second thought. Others will call you out on it or ignore you for the rest of their lives (at that point, you might as well not exist). However, this does not mean they won’t play social games or are incompetent at them. They will only do it if they think it somehow fits their master plans or if they think you are “worth it”—which is usually never the case (play stupid games, win stupid prizes).

While INTJs can know too much about anything or anyone they put their mind to, they do good things with their knowledge. This is thanks to their third function of Fi which gives INTJs unbreakable morals codes and standards that they live by. It is why many of them are usually honest people—even if they are honest to a fault—or they say the wrong things at the wrong time. Honesty, authenticity, morality, and truth are things most INTJs value.

The Quest for Truth and Morality

Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings — always darker, emptier, simpler.” —Friedrich Nietzsche

Since INTJ’s third function is Fi, it is easy for people to misread INTJs because of how cold they sometimes appear on the surface. Yet, they are quite sensitive and emotional due to Fi. This is why INTJs are considered as one of the most emotional thinkers. Anyone who had the privilege to witness an INTJ’s love will know how much they actually feel. An INTJ experiences very deep emotions. And because they run so deep, they often come from a sacred and authentic place that is heavily guarded.

It is only the more developed INTJs who are able to understand their Fi. An emotionally mature INTJ will understand where, why, and how their emotions affects their decisions and other people. While many underdeveloped INTJs may think they value reason over emotions when they make decisions, the decisions of a well developed INTJ are often driven by a moral compass, internal values, and takes account of their emotions. This is why a lot of things INTJs sets to achieve in their life often have underlying moral implications that they see as very “human” to them. INTJs with a developed Fi might draw them to do things that are—in their view—humanitarian. And when Fi is used in conjunction with Ni and Te, the humanitarian things that they do can be obscure and hard to detect for many people.

Most INTJs won’t be open about their feelings (the developed ones might be a bit more open). Until they open up to you, the only way anyone can get a good grasp of their emotional life is to sift through the things that they are interested in and do in their lives. Many INTJs are private about their feelings where they naturally process them through Ni-Te that gets mixed into the things that they do. When an INTJ opens up, you better be prepared because they have powerful emotions. Fueled with Ni-Te, their emotions for something or someone are often revealed in a very intense and passionate way (they can be really poetic, romantic, and good with their words). They may surprise you with how much they actually feel when compared to their usual cool and aloof exterior that everyone sees.

While INTJs are one of the most private types, once you understand some of their internal world constructs, specialized / esoteric knowledge and how they think, you will begin to see why they do the things that they do in their lives; or why they say certain things or use certain words under specific contexts. A well developed INTJ is exceptionally concise and deliberate who is almost always in line with their Fi morals, values, emotions, and personal philosophies that they have developed over many years. INTJs with a developed Fi live their life on a mission to discover the truth of the world so they can perhaps do something good for humanity—even if the concept of “good” may widely differ between different INTJs.

Since many INTJs values the truth, they are often direct and honest. When an INTJ is honest with their thoughts and emotions with you, it means they care about you. They tell you the truth because the truth is important to them. INTJs don’t just open up to anyone. They are really selective to who they allow in their lives because just like INFJs, they think deep, feel deep, and hurt deep. If you betray or hurt them after they let you in, they may never open up to you again. INTJs are marshmallows covered in tempered steel. Once you understand how their internal world works (which is different for every INTJ), everything they do will immediately make sense, even if they appear contradictory or strange at first.

INTJ and Romance

INTJs are often stereotyped for being clueless in romance. This is not true. Many mature INTJs knows the game, they just choose not to play it or haven’t found anyone worthwhile. And when they play it, they can be really romantic and idealistic. Many INTJs strives to be the best at what they do, this includes relationships and love. When an INTJ becomes aware of their feelings for someone, they will try very hard to manage it—sometimes to the point where they ignore and repress it. Part of growing as an INTJ is learning to manage and understand these emotions in a way that makes sense for them and learn how to properly express them at the right time.

Now that you can see how an INTJ’s mind work, you may see the troubles they will have when they encounter romantic relationships. Since all of their cognitive functions tailors them to become formidable analysts and theorists, INTJs are known for studying and analyzing the people they love. An INTJ reads people like how they read a book or interpret the world around them. While this sometimes comes out the wrong way, in the eyes of an INTJ, they are trying to understand them with their best intentions. Their goal is to not only figure out their beloved, such as their likes and dislikes, but to predict future conflicts and prevent them from happening. As such, they want to know everything about their love. They want to figure out ways to solve their problems and help them achieve their goals.

Many INTJs are generous and have really big hearts when they care about you. They are your silent guardians and the calm of the storms in your life. INTJs are people who will fiercely protect those who they love. An INTJ who loves you will go above and beyond for you. They will do things that they think can make your life better and easier (more efficient). Quality time is a really big sign that they like you because a lot of them prefers to be alone. If they sacrifice their alone time for you, then you must mean something to them. If an INTJ always appear at places where they know you might be at, then it is another sign they like you. 

INTJs have exceptionally high standards in everything they do. In fact, these standards are so high that even the INTJ cannot reach (this is why they are over achievers). But when it comes to their love, they will be proud of the achievements in their life. An INTJ who loves you will bend their standards that they live by just for you. Since most INTJs are immovable rocks when it comes to these standards and moral values (just like other Fi users). The fact that an INTJ is willing to bend them for someone becomes a grand gesture that not many people notice (people don’t notice it because being proud of someone we love is common among most people). 

Just like every type, the obvious sign that an INTJ loves you is if they tell you. Due to how concise INTJs are, it is safe to say that when an INTJ declares their love for someone, they really mean it (I personally never use the word “love” in my daily vocabulary). There is also a difference between “like” and “love” (among other words). While many people interchange these terms as if they are similar or use them for fun, an INTJ will use words in specific ways. It is from the weight of an INTJ’s words and actions where you may start to recognize the level of depth and implications that they carry, such as how much they mean to them within the inner workings of their mind and heart. Hence in one sense, an INTJ’s concisions are literal and direct. Yet in another sense, how literal they are usually derives from a much deeper place that can only be understood once you understand their internal Ni constructs. This depth that they have is what makes them an INTJ which enriches and gives meaning to their experiences in life.

If you do anything that they think may threaten you and their future together, they may question your sincerity and how serious you are with them. Things where you show a lack of boundaries with others while pursuing them; or inauthenticity, inconsistencies etc. will be some of the first things they notice in someone. And because they can be really good at reading people, they will know you better than you know yourself long before you realize. 

When an INTJ decides to date or like you, they will do so as if it was their objective goal. If you want to date an INTJ, your best bet is to ask them directly. INTJs don’t play games. A lot of them approach relationships with reason, understanding, and emotions (once they open up). However, they are also overthinkers—which is why being open, clear, and honest with them is key. If you like them, just tell them. If you are interested in them but not sure if you like them, tell them. If there is something you don’t like in their behavior or a need that isn’t being met, tell them. Good communication leads to good understanding which leads to a good relationship.

When an INTJ commits to loving someone, they really commit. They are single minded who are “all in” types of people. This takes us to why they are so famous for their loyalty which must not be taken lightly because they are loyal not in a traditional sense. When an INTJ is loyal, they are loyal to a certain big picture Ni vision of you and their future together that they want to achieve (this is where INTJs can be really romantic and idealistic). When an INTJ declares their loyalty, they commit to a future with you. INTJs are fiercely loyal and they will not give up easily. In the eyes of an INTJ, no obstacle between two people can’t be overcome. 

Unfortunately, because INTJs are so loyal, they sometimes won’t get over someone for years and even decades (think of Severus Snape who loved Lilly Potter for all his life in Harry Potter series; Snape is an INTJ 4w5; you see something similar in Bruce Wayne and his love for Rachel Dawes). When an INTJ loves, they love incredibly deep, and this really needs to be understood because many people think they are heartless. Both INTJ and INFJ can love someone so much that it hurts them; where they remain faithful to said person with incredible faults. Their love is raw, innocent, and pure like a child. It is very real. Don’t take it for granted because they don’t give it out very easily.

What we begin to see is how the single mindedness of an INTJ that they use for their life long passion projects are directed towards one person. An INTJ’s love is as intense as it gets and not everyone can handle it. Recall when I said how Ni is like a magnify glass that focuses different rays of light into a single point. Similar to INFJs, the power of an INTJ’s love is like harnessing all the energy of the sun and focusing it all onto one person with a magnify glass. INTJs do not love broadly. They love absolutely and singularly.

Concluding Thoughts

While everything suggests that INTJs are masterminds who are not casual people, they are actually very easy going and open minded. Just like ESFPs, INTJs are free spirits who enjoys living life with as little constraints as possible. Where ESFP values freedom for physical experiences, INTJs value the freedom of mind (ESFP uses the same cognitive functions as INTJs, but in reverse order). If you get to know me, you may notice that I am carefree about most things unless it is someone important and they are doing something questionably stupid. Once you know what to look for, you may start to realize that INTJs are real softies inside. Anyone who can break through their fortified walls will discover that INTJs are some of the most nuanced, thoughtful, sensitive, determined, and devoted individuals you will meet. People misunderstand them because there aren’t enough INTJs around for people to understand.

Due to their rarity, they can be really hard to find in the real world. However, there are places where the chances of meeting one is significantly higher. Places such as bookstores, coffeeshops, and other stereotypical INTJ hobbies and interests such as art galleries and museums (I tend to go to these places during odd hours to avoid crowds). Most INTJs are often found by themselves and tend to avoid large social gatherings. If they ever attend parties, they are the ones playing with the host’s pets and checking out what books they read; or having a chat about an obscure topic with some person in a corner. You may also find them in the mountains hiking or camping by themselves; star gazing, and other solitary hobbies such as fishing. INTJs do a lot of things alone. They are your lone wolves—even if they are more like a cat. 

INTJs are easy to spot. When you encounter them in public, you may recognize them by their speech patterns which is often civil, short, concise, and direct. They usually aren’t always good at talking in groups and are better at one-on-one conversations where they can be socially awkward. They also carry a piercing death stare which easily gives them away (accompanied by a resting bitch face). You may also catch them observing the room or staring off into the distance thinking about something. An INTJ’s body language often unintentionally screams “Leave me alone” and people can sense it. Some INTJs takes advantage of their unapproachable demeanor as a way to filter out those who are afraid to talk to them. Those who are brave enough to talk are the ones who they know might be friend worthy. While INTJs can be scary to talk to for some people (bro, why is he looking at me like that!?), they are pretty harmless. 

INTJs don’t always pass people’s first impressions, but they are actually good people. In fact, just like INFJ and INFPs, they are morally aware individuals. This is thanks to their great prudence and foresight on what is really going on underneath the surface of the world and everyday life. INTJs usually aren’t the type of people who follows group morality. They prefer forging their own paths and make their own discoveries. Many experienced INTJs have all the ingredients to be a leader in their field of expertise, yet they will refrain from taking on the role. Due to the large wealth of knowledge that they accumulate throughout their life, they tend to influence those who encounters them. 

INTJs are full of depth and wonder who has the ability to see through many things in the world. Similar to INTPs, they are the bearers of truths and the thinkers of origins. Recall that Ni and Te are contradicting functions. Ni seeks to discover all the underlying structures and patterns that the INTJ observes in the world. Te seeks to challenge, apply, validate, simplify, structure, and refine. Whereas Fi gives INTJs their humanistic values, identity, and powerful emotions that gets mixed into the things that they do in their lives. Finally, Se makes an INTJ understand that every intuitive insight that they acquire must be verified and come from their physical experiences and wonders of the world. When all of these cognitive functions are developed which produces a well rounded INTJ, they become half prophet and half factual. They become mystical visionaries who sees the best and worst of humanity, through the wreck and ruins of the world.