Last edited, May 17, 2023: Someone asked me about Lacanian approaches to femininity and hysteria. Look into Joan Copjec’s book called, “Imagine There’s No Woman”. Copjec is likely one of the most renown feminist Lacanian in North America. A controversial figure, but worth a read!
This post includes a bunch of things from stargazing, communication, MBTI, all the way to a real life example of love transference. I’ve been really tired from work. Luckily I have a draft with around 30,000+ words full of these types of writings. It usually only takes me a few hours to organize and publish a post like this unless I feel like adding more to it. ✌
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The Alter Ego
I said this before, but think I need to say it again. Some people probably paints quite a picture of me from reading this blog. Truth is, this blog is more like my alter ego which only displays parts of who I am as a person. Just because I say something on here doesn’t always mean they are written in stone or represent who I am in reality. Some of these are brief random thoughts where I change my views later on. I prove myself wrong and change my mind all the time. I am not free from or ignorant of self-reporting errors. I often make inaccurate assessment of everything on here. I also only write during my alone time, which is different to my other day-to-day activities.
Coming to think of it, I actually live a double life batman style. In real life, I prefer to fly under the radar and be an ordinary person without drawing too much attention to myself. But once you get to really know me, I am quite the opposite to what most people think. For example, most people who reads on here can tell I have a vivid intellectual life—a life that I partially keep in secrecy from my ordinary life (hence my double life). Yet, I’m also not as serious as what most people think. So if you think I am very serious in real life, then you haven’t broken the outer layer of Bobby’s onion personality.
Most people who has been reading this blog for awhile only gets to know the intellectual, more serious and somewhat darker side of me, but not who I am entirely as a person. People sometimes likes to jump to conclusions about me with information that they don’t have simply because I haven’t given them any, or because they don’t know me irl (they don’t have proof). Other people likes to do selective reading over my writings on here and think it is the entirety of who I am. It’s almost like they are just trying to cherry pick and give themselves a reason to jump to conclusions about me (probably because they want to find reasons to hate me LOL). Definitely not a fair or accurate assessment.
In short, if you never spoke to me in real life and are coming to conclusions through this blog, you are likely wrong about a lot of things, even if you think you know everything about me. Yes, I am very aware of what kind of information I put on here. I’m not someone who can be easily seen through. The best way to know me is by meeting me in person—if you can ever find me. Hah!
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“To think is to confine yourself to a single thought that one day stands still like a star in the world’s sky.” —Martin Heidegger
Did you know that when we look at stars, we are actually looking into history? The lights from these stars took thousands and millions of light years to arrive before our eyes. History becomes present, and present becomes the future. I tend to think this is exactly how great thoughts are formed: between past and future. One should not be surprised that some of our brightest thoughts always arrives to our eyes last, right between the dark spaces of all the shining stars.
I am a big fan of star gazing and I’ve been thinking of buying my own amature telescope when I got some money to spare (I recently just paid off my new car). A few years ago, I used to drive out of the city to go stargazing by myself during the summer. I stopped because I work too much. But I always found it very peaceful. It’s just me and the universe with no one else. It feels great.
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What is something that you secretly like?
I secretly like to cuddle and enjoy physical affection despite disliking most people touching me. I’d say I am also secretly a romantic and a really passionate lover. Unfortunately, people probably just think I am a stone cold serial killer LOL. I always forget to smile.
But you know what I also secretly like to do? Sing in the shower / at home while making up my own lyrics on the fly. I am a freestyle rapper bruh. I also like to walk around the house with exaggerated movements like a child.
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What is the best way to tell who someone really is?
By looking at who they are friends with.
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The opposite of anorexia…
is muscle dysmorphia where people are obsessed with gaining big muscles. I just learned how this was a thing when my phone randomly recommended me a psychology article that spoke about it LOL. The study showed how muscle dysmorphia is becoming a prominent issue among men where they discovered how these men also have a lot of narcissistic symptoms along with troubled relationships with their father. The study also suspect it has to do with the effects of social media.
I’m not surprised honestly. In fact, I already spoke about this in several places on this blog a year or two ago. Freud is probably laughing in his grave right now. Y’all better get your daddy issues sorted out.
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Asian Heritage Month
I think it’s the dumbest shit ever. Get rid of it LOL.
It’s funny because some people can’t tell I am Chinese due to my facial hair where they are surprised when I suddenly speak fluent Cantonese. I can also understand a little bit of French and German from my studies in continental philosophy, but more so in written form.
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Should men always make the first move?
A friend asked me this the other day. My answer was, “No. It’s 2023”. What are you still living in the 50s? Or wait, everyone is still living in simulation. 😉 Though I usually don’t mind making the first move because I don’t like to beat around the bush. Pretty much everyone who I liked in the past will tell you I just randomly told them I like them romantically. It’s kind of surprising because it worked more times than I thought LOL. And in cases where it didn’t work, they still appreciated my honesty.
In general, you should never play games (I consider someone who tries to make you chase them as game playing). It’s emotional abuse for the other party, especially if they really like you. Game playing is also counter-productive because it can quickly become self-sabotage. Sometimes, people play games because they have some kind of ideological fantasy of what a relationship should be like, even when this is the result from problematic social conditioning (maybe more on this next time). Not to mention that game playing often attracts all the wrong people to you.
I remember there was this one girl I met where I straight up told her that I liked her and she got so happy that she immediately gave me her number and asked me out LOL. I’ll be honest, I liked her even more after that. I also remember how she was so flirty that I had to redefine my definition of flirting. She was very enthusiastic in a good way (or clingy for some people; depends on who you ask). Unfortunately, things didn’t work out because I wasn’t in a good mental space to be with anyone at the time. There was also some misunderstandings between us. I admit she was light years ahead of me in terms of emotional intelligence—something that I can learn a lot from. I’m also pretty sure she made an art piece about me.
She is a good example of someone who made the “first move” after I expressed my interest. Though I confessed to her first, so I technically made the first move where she met me half way. She was confident, sincere, authentic, sweet, devoted, and never made me guess. A year or two later, I heard from a friend of hers that she reads my blog where I taught her a lot about philosophy, language, and other worldly issues. Honestly, I’m happy she learned a lot on here. I think I hurt her pretty bad. It has been almost 10 years, but I hope she is doing well.
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I am fluent in sarcasm with a flare for irony and dark humor. Toilet humor is also not bad, especially during dinner time. People can’t always tell when I am being sarcastic and throwing down jokes because I sometimes do it with a straight face.
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While I can be quite good at reading people when I try, I am not a mind reader. I’ve definitely been wrong before. Many times in fact. People often make a lot of assumptions that others can read their minds and the intentions of their words and actions. Truth is, no one can—at least never in a complete sense. If you can’t or are unwilling to speak clearly about your thoughts and emotions, especially during important moments where others really needs to understand you, no one will get you. Misunderstanding happens much more than you think because communication is a very finnicky thing. Sometimes, when people does choose to speak, they respond in a really defensive / aggressive way almost like they want to start a fight. It’s very interesting because this is (can sometimes be) a good example of transference in psychoanalysis. You see a similar phenomenon when you are just casually talking to someone and they randomly snap at you.
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There is a hardware store in my city called “KMS tools”
I bought something from there and joined the KMS club.
I know it’s a horrible joke to make if you don’t like dark humor. But damn, it’s hilarious LOL.
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Google search: Why are INTJs…
They’re not. Most of them looks like grumpy cats (RBF) with laser beam eyes. They’re really nice once they warm up to you, even if they can sometimes lack finesse in their words because they don’t got much social filter. INTJs are some of the most loyal people that you will meet. They are consistent and takes commitment to a whole new level. INTJs sometimes have a tendency to make people think on a really critical level which can intimidate others. So I guess they can be scary due to how much they know. Some INTJs can appear Byronic which might scare people as well (someone who is secretive, dark, romantic, passionate, ironic, and cynical; the term is derived from 18th century romantic poet, Lord Byron). It is fair to say that INTJs are people who thinks with their heart, and feels with their mind.
Because they have razor sharp intellect who are really well read about a lot of worldly topics. But they are also modest and not flashy about it. If you are someone who likes to learn, INTJs will constantly fascinate you because everything mundane is beneath them. They will show you new ways of looking at the world that you never thought existed. INTJs are usually one of the most intellectually competent people in the room with a calm and solid deposition to them that some people are really attracted to. It might be because they balance out a lot of the more extroverted types that takes interest in them (and the extrovert can help the INTJ be more spontaneous). INTJ tends to be xNFP/xSFP magnets. Also, don’t let their outward seriousness fool you. They can be really big jokesters who can be surprisingly talkative once you crack them open.
Because they are masters of Introverted Intuition (Ni) which gives them an ability to see through a lot of things in all sorts of abstract ways. Nothing escapes their Ni. INTJs are incredible observers, hyper self-aware big picture thinkers. Similar to INTP and INFJ, they have some of the brightest minds in the world who can carry the weight of the universe. When Ni gets combined with their other functions, they become a walking paradox who awaits for the right person to solve their puzzles. INTJs are not shallow people who only cares about what you look like. It is often said that if you want to make love to an INTJ, you must first make love to their mind!
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Another Sign of an Obsessive Neurotic
If you attend a survey course at universities that introduces psychoanalysis. Obsessive neurotics are the people who rejects the existence of the unconscious mind. They do this due to the experience of repression.
One of the surest places you can find obsessive neurotics is in philosophy departments (though realistically, obsessives are everywhere on the street). Have you ever wondered why so many philosophers are men? No, it’s not simply because of inequality. It’s not because they are smarter. It’s because they are mostly obsessive neurotics who are concerned with their “existence” which inhabits the fundamental questions that they all ask: “Am I dead or alive?”. There is a reason why Jacques Lacan was so famous for being an anti-philosopher.
In general, it is safe to say that neuroticism (hysteria and obsessive) is the keystone to human intelligence. Though I also think psychotics plays a big role as well. It might be why so many geniuses and intelligent people are often seen as “crazy” by the masses.
P.S. I am a good example of an obsessive neurotic. Though I’m no genius.
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Real Life Example of Love Transference
I have quite a few good examples in mind. Initially, I was going to talk about two. One of them is about my love transference onto someone who I spoke about in some of my other posts that I recently removed (when I saw her for the first time, she reminded me of my first love, which was why I denied most of my feelings for her initially; I was aware of my transference). But since she might get mad if I write about her and say the wrong things again, I will only talk about one example today LOL.
My sister’s ex-husband’s name is Eric whose personality is somewhat similar to mine—but not quite. Actually, he is a completely different person. Even when I realize that my sister’s love transference lies at this point where she transferred her love that she has for me onto Eric.
Here is the most fascinating part. When I was five or six years old and about to immigrate to Canada, my parents was going to name me Eric before I told them that I wanted to be called Bobby. My sister was always perfectly aware of this memory because she was the one who pointed it out. A coincidence? I think not. In psychoanalysis, there is no such thing as coincidence.
Does she consciously recognize this relationship between Eric and I as young Eric? While she recognizes that we are “similar” in personality (her imaginary projection), she doesn’t recognize how Eric represents little Bobby. If she was in a clinical session and I was her analyst, the discovery of such connection must be made by her (if I was an analyst with no relation to her, I would not know that Bobby’s old name was Eric until she free associates it during the session). The analyst can only assist her during the most critical moments of the session. If these interpretations arrives at the wrong time, she may deny it due to her ego trying to cover up her wound / castration (her repression). This is what analysts mean when they talk about how our interpretations of reality can sometimes “hit the Real” which produces the effects of surprise and encompass the experience of love.
When you love someone, you are unconsciously in love with someone else. One way we can understand this is how psychoanalysis makes us recognize how our transferences and projections are often elusive, just like how our interpretation of someone or something can be incorrect due to our desires. This isn’t to say that these transferences are completely “false”, such that my sister does not love Eric because she unconsciously loves me. Rather, as time goes by, these transferences will reflect unconscious conflicts between her feelings for me versus Eric as a real person who is nothing like me (she is passing through the Symbolic Other; the filter that I spoke about in Part I). She needs to, in some sense, give up (repress) her love for me to be with Eric. Love happens exactly at this point (hence as Lacan puts it, “Love is the experience of the Real without the tragic dimension”). This is why love is about locating our wound or castration in the Other—to give up parts of our unconscious desires and transferences which often leads us to frustrations, compromise, and sacrifice for the other person. Simply put, my sister will always deal with her unconscious conflicts between Eric and Bobby as long as they are together.
Most of what your everyday person views as “love” is simply their desires talking which is most prominently seen in new relationships. Love is what happens after all the initial attraction (lust) wears off; or the relationship might end where both parties recognizes it as a “fling”. This is usually where couples starts to fight / argue or realize each other’s differences as love passes into the Symbolic. Hence, love is a “surprise” that this person is not what I thought to be when I first met them. And real love is what makes these surprises and differences work. I recall I once spoke to a friend who told me how her relationship with her boyfriend got a bit “boring” after awhile. But little did she know that this is where love happens (they’ve been together for 10 years). Alain Badiou’s famous saying, “To love is to struggle” is true to its words. This is why I pointed out last time how there is no such thing as easy love and it is the people who chooses to stay in your life that matters. I also wrote about this at the end of #3 which can be found here. Love is not a contract between two narcissists.
Sometimes, people reads my work and thinks they have to somehow reenact the things I say in their relationships; they cherry pick certain passages to understand and ignore the rest; or they read about the symptoms of neurosis and intentionally avoid producing these symptoms in their life, which doesn’t make them any less neurotic (this is what analysts refers as “adjusting your ego”). Truth is, the things I write about are things people are always already doing effortlessly. It’s always already there, lurking in the background of your everyday life.
Recall when I spoke of how love is metaphor (substitutions) and desire is metonymy. In this case, Eric is a metaphor for me. He is my substitution. Similar things happen when people write songs, poems, or makes art and theater plays for their loved ones. Art and creativity is the product of love and the wound of our split subjectivity.
Perhaps what we can learn from this example is how our object of affection often resembles someone who we love from our past in ways that we might not immediately recognize. They might have a similar personality or voice. They might look similar in certain ways with their eyes, facial hair, and so on. In this example, they have same or similar names, old names, nicknames, etc. Most importantly, what appears to be my sister’s conscious love for Eric reveals to be the impossibility of her relationship with me. The moment one declares their love for someone, they are unconsciously locating their wound or castration (repression) in the other person. Or as Jean Baudrillard might put it:
“If you say ‘I love you’, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity.”