Hiiii 😎
Byeeeeeee.🫡

Edit July 20, 2025: I got my new wheels installed on my Golf R!!! Here is a hyperlinked photo. I need to clean the tires and dress them up when it stops raining and they will be perfect!👌 If anyone is wondering. The specs are: Fifteen52 Sector RSR 19″x8.5″ ET42 in asphalt black. Tires are 235/35/19.

P.S. Eashel is an angel. Too bad I’m invisible to her now.🥺

Also, what did my sister do to me? Now I want to get a damn Labubu. 😂😂😂

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Nicknames

Pretty much everyone I know or have met has some sort of nickname. I just don’t always tell them until I get to know them better. Some are more casual while others are straight up bullying LOL.

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PhD

If I was mega rich, I would do my PhD for sure. Grad student pay is usually not very good. It’s also a huge commitment and takes on average 5-8 years to finish. The higher education job market is also terrible. Some people spends their entire lives trying to find a tenure job. The academic job market is oversaturated with too many PhDs which makes academic jobs incredibly scarce. It’s not surprising that PhDs have such a high attrition rate of something like 50%, where half of the people never finishes it.

Sometimes, the reasons are also financial because again, PhD students don’t get paid very well unless they land a huge grant. Other times, they have family responsibilities or other personal matters. PhD students are usually older than your usual undergrad where some of them are fathers and mothers with kids. And not getting good pay while having kids they need to support isn’t feasible. Meanwhile, some are lucky enough to have their partner to support them. Then there are also those who does their PhD when they retire. Others are rich boys and girls.

I once thought of going into analysis and getting trained to become a clinical psychoanalyst. Too bad most official institutions in North America requires a PhD, personal analysis, and real supervised controlled cases with actual patients (none of these are a big deal other than the PhD). In order to become an analyst, you have to get psychoanalyzed as the analysand. But I know the Lacanian schools of psychoanalysis aren’t as strict in their requirements. This is not surprising since Lacanians deviates from the other major psychoanalytic schools despite some of their similarities. I know there is a Lacanian school in Montreal.

I think it’s cool that it is by going through psychoanalysis where you become a psychoanalyst. The analysand becomes the analyst.

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Countries with the most extreme form of capitalism

Most countries are pretty extreme to be honest LOL. Statistics can only reveal so much on what is happening and not all of them are reliable measurements. But I think South Korea and places like Japan are good examples that suffers from hypercapitalism, consumer culture, and things like obsession with status quo. South Korea for example, is dominated by monopolies. If you are a guy who is born poor there, you will probably die in a hole from depression. It sounds mean, but I’m also not even joking. Many girls will just get plastic surgeries and tries to marry a rich guy. I heard that 40% of the people who are in poverty in South Korea are people over 66 years old. There are YouTube videos about this and it’s pretty depressing. It’s low key Squid Game in real life.

A bit off topic, but consumer culture has also produced messed up views on love and marriage where the guy needs to own a house, make 3409853409853895 dollars, and spend 3498034895458 on their weddings. It’s no longer about love, but how much someone has. Then people living there wonders why everyone is single because they all want to marry the top 10%. Meanwhile in some countries, people make up derogatory names for those who are unmarried after 30. Like in China, they’re called “Leftover men” and “Leftover women”. I think it’s pathetic and a sign of moral degeneracy.

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Wages and Inflation

Just recently, I read the news about Canada’s average wage that is outpacing inflation. I think this is almost like liar news because it’s just an average. You can have wages growing exponentially for the top earners while the bottom 50% remain stagnant.🤷‍♂️ I’m curious to see if this is the case if we look at other data.

The high Inflation that happened recently made everything expensive. It is essentially wealth transfer from those who are less fortunate to those who own assets. For example, if you held cash in a savings account during the high inflation periods. That same amount of money will have less purchasing power due to inflation outpacing the interest rate that you earn from the account. Basically, as the price of commodities inflates and gets more expensive, you will be able to purchase less of them for the same amount of money when compared to years before the high inflation. The money that is sitting in your bank account depreciates where you need more of it to purchase the same item from years ago. But if you are someone who didn’t hold onto any cash, but spent it to own a house for example, that property has likely appreciated during this time from the inflation. Even if its value might not have gone up which I highly doubt, the value of the property would at least keep up with inflation. Keep in mind here that money is a representation of value. When money depreciates via inflation, more of that same money is needed to represent the same amount of value of a commodity object—assuming its value has not changed.

Another key problem with inflation is that as things gets more expensive, wages are also lagging behind which is why many people are feeling the squeeze.

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Do societies need a government?

This is a classic question that brings us to the beginnings of modern political philosophy which began with figures like Thomas Hobbes and Jean-Jacques Rousseau. But let us first ask ourselves: how do you think people would act if there were no law or no “higher power” that tells them what they cannot do? Will they harm others? Murder? Steal? Loot? In religion, this higher power is known as “God”. In Lacanian psychoanalysis, it is known as the “Other” (or super ego in Freudian terms). In political philosophy, this higher power is the government. But this whole idea on higher power and “control” isn’t as simple as it sounds. I don’t have much room to explain today.

So let me try to explain the basics. In 17th century, Hobbes wrote a famous and influential book called the Leviathan where he argued that without government, people would do all sorts of evil things to others. This is where people began to sacrifice their freedoms and individual powers so to establish peace in a society by instituting laws. The law tries to keep people in order as it attempts to maintain the well being and safety of others by—at the same time—sacrificing the “freedom” of others. Basically, Hobbes saw that without government, people would return to their “natural state” and act like brutes. In his view, having a bad government who institutes certain laws to maintain order is still better than having no government.

However, this idea is contested by Jean-Jacques Rousseau who, at around the same period of time, argued that humans in their most natural state are peaceful. Rousseau thinks people are better off with as little law and government intervention as possible. And if there are any government, there needs to be what he calls “the social contract” between the people and government where the latter makes sure the citizens are happy (Social Contract is one of Rousseau’s most well known books). Rousseau thought that education comes from nature where children should be able to learn things at their own pace.

Basically, Hobbes saw the basic state of human nature as aggressive and therefore, societies will benefit from having a government. Unsurprisingly, this is very similar to classic Freudian position. It is not uncommon for scholars to write about Hobbes and Freud together. Whereas Rousseau saw humans as peaceful. Yet, his ideas on peace, nature, and education are also contested by Jacques Derrida.

Both Hobbes and Rousseau are often considered as the fathers of modern political philosophy.

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The Grad School Prof Who Hated Me

I was a bit surprised I passed her class honestly. She was nice and I knew she wanted her students to do well. But her course and research paper assignment had way too many restrictions where I completely lost the appetite to write anything valuable. It was very difficult for me. I ended up with a research paper that had a great idea with horrendous structuring, sources, and citations. Keep in mind that unlike undergrad, grad school research papers are very long and takes a lot of work. They are usually about 20-30 pages in length.

One of her restrictions required us to only cite people of colour and not cite any white people or something (can’t remember exactly). I ended up ignoring the requirement LOL. I cited people of colour like Fred Moten who is actually really good. But it had barely anything to do with his skin colour and race. I could careless if he was purple. So I also cited European scholars.🤷‍♂️ I knew I would get criticized for “Eurocentrism” by my prof, but it was never about race and ethnicity, but their ideas.

That class was way too politically correct for me. I remember I was talking about deconstruction and Hegel at one point where someone interrupted me and was like “You can’t say that”, and the whole class went awkwardly silent. Then the prof tried to paraphrase my words and asked if that was what I was trying to say. I didn’t want to argue so I said “Yes”—even when it was not what I was getting at because they were all flipping rookies man.

I think it can be dangerous to look at others solely through racial, cultural, and ethnic lenses. Sure, they’re important and constitutes part of our “identity” (whatever this means 😉), they’re also a human being at the end of the day. But I also know the moment I say this, someone will be like, “The word “being” originates from blah blah blah”. I mean if that’s the case why even speak English? It’s a Germanic language. Old English is mostly German. All languages are made up of many different languages. And the hybridity of languages represents all the colonial violence that happened in history. I just introduced some interesting ideas on colonialism. Maybe more on this next time.

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Psychoanalysis and Psychosis

Look into Stijn Vanheule. He is a clinical psychoanalyst from Belgium who is best known for his studies in psychosis. He is also in the New Lacanian School and World Psychoanalytic Association. I’ve read some of his articles and excerpts before. This was the most memorable article where he talks about psychosis and the problems of anti-psychotic medications. I like how he talks about approaching people by being attentive and accepting our lack and our own shortcomings when we encounter them. After all, a big part of the psychoanalyst’s job is to be a good listener. I think it is great wisdom even beyond psychoanalytic contexts.

I always wanted to read some of his works, especially his analysis and criticisms of the DSM-5 that many modern psychology clinicians depend on.

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Autism

Bruce Fink published a few papers on autism and psychoanalysis that are very recent. I will link it here if I can find them again. They were quite interesting. But I never thought too much of it myself.

I know one or two friends who are autistic. One who likely has high functioning autism. Aside from their trouble in socializing and reading people and their social cues, they’re very smart people and are quite successful in life. I also know a few friends who self-proclaims to be autistic that I highly doubt are. I always saw it as an excuse for them to be an asshole LOL. And for others, it’s likely an excuse for their lack of growth in certain departments.

It’s not so much about displaying symptoms from the spectrum than it is about from what place in their mind does the person begin from which leads them to X or Y symptoms. Perhaps one might discover that this root origin might stem from something else like anxiety, fear, denial, or some form of phobia which leads to another diagnosis that is not autism. It’s like someone who has OCD that needs to keep their car clean versus someone who likes to keep it clean. They might seem similar on the outside, but they’re really different. It’s not the best example, but you get the point.

In psychoanalysis, the discovery of symptoms will often blind us from seeing our other symptoms. It’s sort of like how a scientist or scholar is blinded by their own knowledge (S2). Yet, this “knowing” leaves them with “something” (object a) more to know—something that they do not yet know, a truth (there is no lack without the symbolic). Knowledge, as Lacan might say, had always been a defense against truth. And truth on the other hand, is the blacking out of knowledge as J.A. Miller puts it. I will talk more about this in the future.

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The Popularity of Lacanianism

Lacan was one of the few people who managed to fuse platonic ideas, linguistics, semiotics, branches of mathematics, Hegelian dialectics, Freudian psychoanalysis, Marxist material dialectics, Kantian Transcendental idealism, Heideggarian philosophy, and general themes of continental philosophy into a unifying system while at the same time turning it into a clinical practice that is not simply “just a theory”. It’s a remarkable achievement considering how difficult all these disciplines are by themselves.

Understanding Lacan doesn’t just require you to be knowledgeable in Freudian psychoanalysis, it also requires extensive philosophical background where you have to become a master of the arts and metaphors. He also doesn’t put effort into making his ideas easier for the average person. In fact, he intentionally made it more difficult and obscure, though not without good reason from a clinical point of view. But it is one reason why people who can’t understand him thinks he is full of shit. He has no shortage of haters. Open up any seminar of Lacan and his works will be automatically full of references, metaphors, and allusions to different philosophical schools in history that not many people will understand. He was also a huge fan of using topological geometry to represent psychoanalytic processes such as the borromean knot, torus, mobius strip, and the cross-cap. And not to mention the use of Aristotelian logic.

Over time, his works produced a widespread influence in academia where Lacan scholars and practicing clinical analysts uses his ideas and concepts in different contexts from common subjects like literature all the way to law, philosophy, economics, cultural studies, film theory, political science, education, counseling and therapy, computer science, neuroscience, and even in subjects like kinesiology. This wide usage and application of psychoanalysis is often known as “Lacanianism”. Then there are also disciplines like Lacan and AI, and even neuro-Lacanianism which studies the neurosciences of the brain from a Lacanian perspective.

I think Lacan is also kind of an intellectual troll and a bit unhinged. It’s humorous if it’s your type of humor. I remember he once described obsessive neurotics as someone who turns his gifts into shit, and his shit into gifts, then also turns himself into shit during the process.😂 There was another passage, I think in seminar XX where he talks about this statue of a women where he was like, “Look at her face, she is clearly coming”. LOL like okay.

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Age Gap

I had a friend in his 30s thinking that dating someone in their mid 20s is too young. IMO, unless it’s 20-30 year difference then not really. And even if it is that big of a difference, it is a matter of practicality and health concerns when the older partner gets old. If it makes you feel better. My sister and her boyfriend are like 13-14 years apart or something.

I think the older you are, the less it matters. It might seem weird if it’s like 18 and 28. But it’s not weird once you hit 30 and your partner is 40. As long as both party involved loves and respect each other, then age don’t matter much.🤷‍♂️ But the thing about age gap is that people might be in different phases of their lives. For example, someone in their 30s might have more financial power and abilities than someone in their early 20s who is just getting started. Older people also tend to play less social games and are more forward. There is also a higher chance that they are looking for someone to settle down with and are much more serious about relationships (maybe unless you are Leonardo DiCaprio 😂). Of course, many people in their 20s can be serious who can posses many of the things a 30+ year old can. It varies from person to person.

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Late Night Ice Cream

I was in bed half naked looking at cars on my phone, then my friend randomly messaged me going like “You want to go get some Village Ice Cream”. I caved in and was like “Only if you give me a ride”. So I got the chance to sit in his new car. There was a big line up when we got there at 10pm. It was all the way out the door. But it moved pretty quick.

I haven’t had ice cream in so long. It was really good. I’m mostly a chocolate ice cream fan. But I also like coffee flavours.

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The Return of the Golf R

I still haven’t gotten my car back from the hail damage repair.🥹 It’s supposed to be completed by July 2nd. So it should be really soon if it’s done on time and also passes QC. Hopefully there won’t be anymore delays. 🙏 But there will probably be delays.😭 I mean my rental car is not that bad. It’s slow and blue with a British Columbia license plate. 🤡

With this said, my mom recently got her RAV4 back after 3 months of repair. But one of the door panels got damaged by someone during the repair and they will be fixing it for free. The girl who helped us was wearing crocs with Hello Kitty stickers on it. I complimented on them where she blushed and giggled. I laughed because she reminded me of Eashel and how she would fit right in since they’re both mentally 10 years old. 😂 I bet their favorite song is the Hello Kitty theme song (link). 😂😂

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Best Parking Spots

I sometimes spend a lot of time to find the best parking spot to lower the chances of someone dinging my car doors Lol. Let me tell you, the best spots are the ones where you park beside nobody LOL. The second best spots are the end spot where you park as close to a curb as possible where you give the car that might park on the other side as much space as you can. The third best spots are the ones where you park beside nice cars that looks like the owner cares. The last place you want to park are next to big vans, trucks and SUVs or if it looks like “mom mobiles” because kids don’t care. Of course if your car is old or if you don’t care, then none of this matters.

I also consider how easy it is for me to get out when I leave. So I almost always reverse park when possible. Statistically speaking, it is much safer to back into a parking spot than it is to back out of one (less accidents). Backing into a space gives you more maneuverability of your car because you steer with your front wheels. It is far easier to “point” where the rear end of your car goes with the front wheels than it is to drag the rear behind you when you forward park. This is why they always teach you to reverse when you parallel park.

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The Calgary Stampede

I haven’t went in 10 years. It’s too expensive. Back then, I’ve been on 90% of the rides there. I still remember dropping all my change on the 360 pirate ship when it was hanging upside down.🥲 I probably domed some guy on the street with some of them. 😂

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The Dream and Love Transference

I had a dream some nights ago where I was dropped off by my mom at the bus stop in front of Matt’s house (he used to be my best friend in elementary school). I slipped and fell when I got out the car wondering why the side walk was so slippery. I looked behind me a few meters and saw Matt standing outside facing his house. But it wasn’t actually him. It was Melody, my first girlfriend who I dated throughout much of high school and for a little while after. She walked over where we spoke and I told her I’m going to be late for class. She told me she will be late as well and told me that she already told her teacher. I got up and looked at her where she gave me a hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist where she looked at me and kissed me twice on the lip. When she was about to leave, I noticed she was wearing the exact same shirt that Eashel wears.

Then I woke up at 5:30am and started writing some of this. The beginning sequence of this dream was super close to real life with the exact street and house. In Junior high, I used to get dropped off by my mom in front of Mathew’s house to wait for the school bus to come pick me up. Only that in the dream, when I got out the car and saw Mathew, I knew in the dream (or in my mind) that it wasn’t exactly him from a distance. He had the body type/silhouette of Eashel. And when she walked up to me where I held and looked her in the eye, she looked like Melody but with a small resemblance of Renee in her eyes. The kiss and hug felt very real. It was exactly how I remembered what they were like. The whole dream was pretty funky.

I remember mentioning that I would talk about how Eashel reminds me of my mom some time ago last year. But I forgot about it and ended up mentioning it last post when I saw old photos of my mom where they had similar hair. I think it’s hilarious because Eashel dyed her hair LOL. She looks cute as ever.

Just the other day, I was talking to a regular about him spending $750 to install PPF on his Miata while lining up to order a drink. Then Eashel suddenly walks in with her new hair where she made me speechless. I was like “I think…. *sees Eashel* 😍😍…..uhhh…uhhh….uhhh…😍😍…uhhhh….uhhh…”. 😂 She is stunning!

One thing I never mentioned was how my first conversation with Eashel in real life started with me mentioning about her My Melody name tag. When I spoke of “My Melody”, I’m pretty sure it was my slip of the tongue that meant “my Melody”, as in my first love.🥺 There are no mistakes. On hindsight, I think I liked her from the beginning just before she broke the ice with me by teasing me. It was why I made jokes about taking her to Home Depot for the first date. But it’s too bad things are the way it is now. Maybe in another universe, I would buy her flowers, hold her hand, write her shitty love poems, take her to her favourite travel destination and spoil her to death.🥺….I would take her to Home Depot too of course.🥺

Sometimes I want to try and break the ice with her again so we can at least not be a stranger to each other (I won’t make any advances though; unless she makes it obvious). But it’s difficult, so I just secretly admire her from a distance while trying to not be a weirdo about it. 🥲

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My Next Post….

….will likely be a big one. It will be critical to future writings because it will open up possibilities to introduce other ideas. A chunk of it was written nearly 10 years ago in my mid twenties. So it’s a bit nostalgic Lol. It still needs a lot of editing though. And I might not complete it on time in exactly one month. But I might throw it on here earlier just because I can.

Ok byeee.