July has been strange and kind of flew by. It actually felt a bit empty, but not in bad way. I had almost one week with very little work due to bad economy. Then I suddenly got slammed with so much work, pulling Mon-Sat 10-12 hour days.😵‍💫 I enjoyed my days off because I did new things to my car.😅 This post consists of sections where I talk about where I am from all the way to some psychoanalysis and the master signifier.

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The Calgary Stampede

I was talking about this the other day with a couple who I regularly see. But no I didn’t go. I haven’t been there since I was 24 or 25. Back then, it was like $8-14 per entry. Now it’s almost $30! I remember I won a gigantic snake with $5 from some mini shooting game. They probably cost way more than $5 per play now lol. The only good thing about the Stampede is it makes every other place I regularly go to more empty which I like a lot.😅

But I don’t like country music. I also think the cowboy culture is meh. Though I understand people likes how lively the Stampede makes the city feel, even if the venue is the same every year except for the price. It’s criminal how much they charge for everything in there. You might as well steal. The only time I would go is if it’s a date or for some specific reason which I don’t have. Actually, if they were dates, I would go to a lot more places that I normally wouldn’t go Lol.

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Kananaskis BBQ

I had a barbeque with a bunch of friends over the weekend out in the mountains. We had some typical white people BBQ food like hotdogs and hamburgers. One of my friend brought his entire coffee gear to make espressos. Another made some really good chicken thighs. He even brought his own apron LOL. I should’ve brought my pink Hello Kitty apron.🤭But I marinated some Hong Kong style chicken wings (ginger, garlic, red onion, spring onions, soy sauce, dark soy sauce, salt, sugar).

No offense, but I have no idea why white people likes to BBQ such basic and boring food LOL. When my family gets together for a BBQ, we go ham on fancy steaks, chicken wings, lamb ribs, short ribs, and other good stuff. I mean yeah, I guess they’re expensive.

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Hong Kong

I was born in Hong Kong and moved to Canada when I was 5. I used to go back every year with my family when I was younger. I can speak fluent Cantonese without foreign accent. It’s good enough that I can sing OG Canto pop music from childhood. Though I’m a bad singer.😅 I just can’t read Chinese properly. I forgot most of it.

HK has a very vibrant night life and lots of good food. Many stores opens later than the ones here in Canada and stays open until later at night. Hong Kong holds the world record for having the most skyscrapers in the world (2nd is Shenzen, 3rd is NYC). It has a high population density and lots of concrete. You will also experience the big city manners where people are more rude. Since Hong Kong used to be a British colony, many people can speak or at least understand English, but they might not respond if you talk to them in English. People also drives more aggressively where pedestrians have to yield to cars. The double decker bus drivers are always flooring it to the next stop Lol.

Hong Kong is one of the most expensive cities to live in; holding some of the most expensive real estate in the world by a far margin. If people think Toronto and Vancouver housing is expensive, wait until you see the prices in HK. A 700 sq ft apartment will cost you 1.5 – 2.5 million Canadian dollars, no joke. In fact, many rich people from HK immigrated to Vancouver back in the 90s and helped make Vancouver what it is today with overpriced housing LOL! There is a reason why some people calls Vancouver as “Hongcouver”. The term has xenophobic origins, but it’s a joke among many HKers.

Unlike Canada, driving in Hong Kong is considered a luxury because owning a parking spot costs a lot of money. Space is precious. Cars over there are much smaller than in North America. All these big SUVs and trucks you see here won’t fit on any lanes or parking spots in HK. Since driving is expensive, it has a very efficient public transport system. Its subway system is comparable to famous high tech cities like Tokyo. They’re always on time and are really fast. Every station has automatic glass screen doors that opens with the subway doors when it arrives. They prevent people from jumping onto the track. The Hong Kong international airport is built on a massive man made artificial island.

I think the most iconic HK tourist attraction is the Victoria Peak that overlooks the entire city. Hong Kong is renown for its city skyline views, just search it up online. They won’t disappoint in real life. If you’re a tourist there, many first timers will take the tram up to the mountain peak. It is one of the oldest funicular rail mountain trams in the world. It’s a steep climb and is always packed with sweaty tourists. If you don’t care about the tram, you can just take the bus or taxi up the mountain. It’s way better Lol.

The Victoria Harbour is also quite a sight to see at night. It overlooks the entire Hong Kong Island. The water is incredibly deep where big ships can enter. HK used to be a British naval base. The subway system also runs underneath the deep waters. But you can also take the ferry across for views. It is a popular location for proposals. Every night, there is a “Symphony of lights” show where lights will shoot into the sky off of skyscrapers and moves around. Fireworks goes off on top of these buildings on special days. There is an observation ferris wheel on Hong Kong Island that lets you see the skyline at a higher vantage point. I’ve been on it and think it’s a waste of money LOL.

Hong Kong also has the world’s longest road and railway suspension bridge that can endure crazy typhoons. I remember it was the 2nd longest suspension bridge in the world when it was built. They also sometimes film cool movies every once awhile, like the famous scene from The Dark Knight where batman jumps off the International Finance Center.

It is also a shopping heaven. There are streets dedicated to certain items such as an entire street that sells sneakers, and a street that sells high tech gadgets. There is also the Hong Kong Jockey Club known for hosting big horse races and betting events. My cousin is a professional horse trainer there (he is also a big car guy and drives a Honda S2000 Lol). Then there is a place called Big Wave Beach well known for people who likes to surf. There are other cool things like the Ocean Park, Disneyland, Big Buddha, seafood (if its your thing), and ferry ride to a nearby city called Macau, which is famous for casinos and gambling. It is the Asian version of Las Vegas.

I remember I went to Macau once with my dad back then. We stayed at his rich friend’s place who is neighbor to one of Li Ka Shing’s son that owns a vacation house down the street (Li Ka Shing is the richest man in HK). The house we stayed at was like a single family house in Canada with a front door garage. The biggest difference was it was built with concrete, had 4 floors, an elevator, and it sat on a cliff off a mountain that overlooked the pacific ocean.👌

I live with relatives every time I go back, so overpriced hotel costs were non-existent. The last time I went back was long ago in 2014. It was during the major “Umbrella Movement” that was all over international news. I remember I took a walk through the protested streets during the day and took lots of pictures. It was a politically sensitive time back then in my family. One of my uncle was a police who took part in crowd controling the protestors, while some of my cousins took part in the protests at night. My uncle is a retired police now. But he still works at my distant cousin’s pork offal shop. It’s pretty famous and many well known food bloggers had blogged about it (link; you can see my uncle at the back 😂😂). Personally, I’m too white washed to like pork intestines. I think it’s gross Lol.

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Psychoanalysis and the Master Signifier

When we speak, our sentences are filled with signifiers that relates to other signifiers (words that relates to other words in the sentence). On the surface, a master signifier is not much different to these other signifiers. The main difference is that the master signifier ensures the continuity of the split subject by providing a form of final meaning which seals up the other signifier’s meanings. Unlike these signifiers that points to other signifiers, the master signifier points to itself and holds no inherent meaning other than itself. It functions like a mirror that is completely self-referential. The split subject will often not think anymore of this master signifier when they speak, even when it holds much ambiguity, and the opposite meaning to what the subject intended to signify. The master signifier is essentially an empty signifier. It is empty because it points to nothing else—for it points to a lack. It has been known that people with autism produces far less master signifiers

Hence when I wrote about this in my post on clinical analysis, the analyst will get the analysand to recognize these master signifiers that they “cough up” during free association and attempt to get the analysand to see the ambiguities of its meaning. Only then will analysis (desire) continues.

This makes speaking, communicating, and understanding others far more complex than what most of us think. In many ways, part of what makes a good psychoanalyst is to be a skillful listener. To really listen to someone utter their words and understand that even their most detailed descriptions of their experiences, good or bad, consists of meanings and intentions that are missing. Just as all relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic, won’t last without communication, it is this lack that is found in the master signifier which seals up what the person perceives as true. And it is these master signifiers which marks the beginning of a true encounter between people. That is, to give what we do not have (i.e. to cough up master signifiers).

The master signifier is also what woman looks for in a man. They unconsciously search for specific signifiers from the man which seals off meaning in her subjective position. This signifier is an unconscious representation of object a that gets misrecognized by her consciousness. And it is an object or master signifiers that not every man can produce at will. But it is these master signifiers which anchors the love of a woman for a man and supports her unconscious position as a hysteric, where she embodies his lack; producing the illusion of completeness. And since not every man can produce this for each unique individual woman, perhaps this might explain the “friendzone” and “orbiter” phenomena that people talk about.

I don’t know why people do that stuff. But it’s quite common. I would say some of the ladies I dated in my 20s were quite attractive (in my eyes), and I almost always expect them to have some guy(s) who will try to start a conversation or befriend her or find some way to get into her life and act all innocent. It doesn’t take much for me to see it. But I noticed a pattern of these dudes’ socials, where it’s mostly them following 90% girls who are all of a similar type (his type). Some were strippers.💀🚩🤣

Once you’re taken, other people will often start to find you more attractive than when you were single. This is a common phenomenon and also studied in mainstream psychology. But it is not surprising in psychoanalysis. We want things Other people wants. Companies dumps a lot of money in marketing and advertising because it works. Big tech companies like Google makes billions of dollars off people watching advertisements. Our desire is the Other’s desire. We want what we can’t have because what you consciously want is not what you unconsciously desire, for it is a subversion of the Real object (a). This is also part of where the whole “playboy” phenomena comes from. Someone who everyone desires because other people desire them. But to produce a real love encounter is driven by something in particular: transference.

Perhaps the long old question of neurosis and hysteria, “What does the (m)Other want?” resonates to the much popular question, “What does woman want?”. Heck, people even devote books about this. But why is it so common for men to say that women are impossible to understand? Hysteria is elusive and quite “impossible”. It’s like what I mentioned on answering the hysteric’s question: you either produce knowledge and miss the point, or you speak the truth and not answer the question. Her ability to transgress language beyond symbolic meanings is the underlying force behind all human inventions in history. Hysteria is the one true scientific discourse. I will talk about this in my future big post 😏, but there is a reason why continental philosophy is sometimes riddled with themes between truth and being a woman. It is due to the influence of Lacanian psychoanalysis.

When it comes to love, most of the things men thinks women are attracted to, women actually, at an unconscious level, don’t care much about—regardless of what the woman consciously thinks. It’s like the guys who drives nice cars knows the only people they attract are other dudes.😂 Body building? You just get other dudes come up to you and go, “Bro how did you get so big bro?”.🤣 The “alpha male” is probably the worst. Like what are you a dog? 🤭

But a good example would be my sister and her misrecognitions of her significant other. While she might consciously think she loves him for his kindness, his wealth, or whatever she thinks she loves about him (desires guided by the Other’s desires), none of it matters to her unconsciously. For what drives her love for him is how closely he resembles my father. It is different for every couple. But you will see it if you meet them in real life. They have similar style of facial hair, identical occupation, with lots of similar daily habits and character traits.

Desire is deceptive, love is transference, and people don’t know what they’re saying.

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Self-Diagnosing Autism

I personally find a lot of it problematic due to people having weak introspection and critical thinking skills, along with misinformation. Though I won’t take it away from those who believes in the power of the master signifier (in this case, “autism”) which can explain and tie up all the things they do in their life. Pun intended.😏 I personally know a number of friends who self-diagnose as autistic. But having knowing them nearly my entire life and speaking with them, their symptoms seem far more in line with anxiety and fear than actual autism. Other times, it appears more as a lack of maturity than anything else LOL.

I sometimes think self diagnosing as autistic has become more of a social media trend than about mental health. I’m not saying autism isn’t a real thing or trying to downplay it. I just think it should be treated with more caution when it comes to diagnosis. It’s almost like some people just uses it as an excuse to be an asshole or to fit into some culture that can explain their weirdness—not that being weird is a bad thing.

P.S.
In psychoanalysis, anxiety and fear are different experiences and often gets confused. Fear carries a symbolic object (i.e. I fear to confront X or Y knowledge/meaning about someone or myself). Anxiety is directed at a lack (object a), where no symbolic language is involved. In face of anxiety, there is no real symbolic object at play other than the Real, where the subject does not know how the Other sees them. There is a long history on the concept and experience of anxiety beyond psychoanalysis. Such as existential anxiety found in philosophy from Soren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Martin Heidegger.

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ISTJ vs INTJ

They can be similar and hard to distinguish depending on the person.
ISTJs tends to be more traditional, follow rules and sticks to facts. They’re more commonly found in the population. They make great scientists and analysts of all sorts and are usually smart. The best fictional example of ISTJ is Spock from Star Trek who is highly intelligent, logical, factual, and follows rules to the book.

The INTJ is more theoretical, intuitive, and less factual. Where ISTJ sticks to facts, INTJs question its “origins” in all sorts of ways. INTJs will strike others as esoteric, quirky, and nerdy. They’re the person who sits in the corner of a coffee shop that nobody needs to look at. They make great theorists of all sorts from theoretical physics all the way to philosophers and entrepreneurs. Some of the world’s most influential thinkers were INTJs, like Karl Marx, Isaac Newton, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Ayn Rand; well known contemporaries would be Christopher Nolan, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jay-Z. Actually, Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles are a good example of an INTJ/ESFP romantic pairing. The best fictional example of an INTJ is Severus Snape from Harry Potter who was low key smart with undying loyalty and love for Lilly Potter.🥹

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The AWE Touring Exhaust Suite

I was going to wait until my car is paid off before I get it. But I only have $800 left on the loan and didn’t want to install it in fall/winter. So I pulled the trigger while the weather is nice. I wanted to get an exhaust since the first day I got the car, but I couldn’t be reckless with money because I have financial goals to meet. I saved over $20,000 just last year alone.🤭

I’ve done a lot of research before choosing the AWE exhaust. Initially, I wanted to get the Invidia R400, but $3000 for metal pipes is steep. I like the deep tone that the R400 has while remaining a civilized car. The next best, or even better premium option was the AWE Touring. It doesn’t have valves, but it has a patented 180 resonator (muffler) that cancels cabin drone while retaining its sound when I step on it.

I was going to get the shop I bought from to install it for me, but they charge $300 for 2 hours work. It’s a fair price, but it would cost me $30 if I did it myself. I already have jack stands, impact drivers, and wrenches. I just needed a hangar removal tool. It ended up taking me 3 hours to install it and it was my first time working under my car.😊 It went well and I didn’t get crushed! The only issue I have is a small occasional vibration that disappears after the car warms up. I suspect it’s from a pipe clamp vibrating against the brace bar because they were quite close to each other when I installed it. I’ll fix it when I have time. The exhaust tips might be hard to see if your screen is dark, but here is a booty shot:

The new 4.5″ black diamond exhaust tips are big and aggressive. Instead of sitting them next to each other flush like the stock tips, I staggered them for a more custom look and matched the curves of my rear diffuser.👌 You can’t see it in this photo. But no one will notice in real life unless they’re into cars.😅 One of my friend couldn’t even tell I got a new exhaust. The stock exhaust tips are oval and silver. These new tips definitely looks better in real life than in photos. I think the 8R is not very photogenic and has weird proportions from lens distortions. The Mk 7 is much more photogenic.

The R sounds so sick now. It is noticeably louder when I hammer the throttle where it gives off the signature deep AWE sound. I had to take the car out for a spin to do a heat cycle and expand the pipes after installing it. I giggled when I punched it for the first time. The stock burbles and pops got amplified and sounds much deeper. There were 3 kids in a truck driven by mom who asked me to rev it at the lights. 😂

Yet, this new exhaust is not much louder when driving normally and cruising at low RPM. I can have normal conversations and listen to music. Highway cruising is nearly identical to stock until I step on it. I don’t think it violates the bylaw noise decibel levels unless I wide open throttle over 4000 RPM. But the cold start is significantly louder than I expected. Everyone will know when I start the car.😅 It gets more quiet once the catalytic converter warms up. The exhaust also adds 5 extra horses which has been dyno verified. Hammering the throttle now adds much more thrill, rumble, and drama. It gives the car more character.😁

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“What if Eashel wasn’t dropping you green signals earlier this year?”

Someone I know asked if I considered this. I did. But nah, it was obvious. I won’t say what she did for her sake.🤫 She wasn’t the first girl who did that stuff to me. So I know. Whenever girls likes you and wants your attention, there are a similar cluster of behaviors they all exhibit. It’s natural, but it’s also different for every person depending on their personality. It comes down to how good you are at reading between the lines and people’s character.

Though it’s possible she was doing it unconsciously and was not intentionally giving out those green signals. Regardless, she was showing me good signs back then which encouraged me to do something about it. But this was why I mentioned how I suspected she was single because it was a dramatic change from her usual vibe. I like her, so of course I reciprocated lol. I’m not going to pretend I’m not interested in her. I don’t hide my interests. Even back when we spoke, I constantly showed interest and even handmade her a cute My Melody gift. Now, when I’m bored and look at her, I don’t pretend I don’t look. If she looks long enough, I’ll even smile, wave, and make a funny face. She probably thinks I look like this when our eyes meet 😑, even when I’m like this 😍. My resting bitch face doesn’t help at all.

I think in probabilities until there are solid evidence that says otherwise. I can be good at guessing if I’m forced to. But if I could turn back time, I would rather have her tell me how she feels when she is comfortable. I never wanted to intrude her emotional space. This was my initial approach when we first met, which was why I chose not to overthink anything when I spoke to her. I remember I mentioned it on here.

But I don’t know what’s going on with her and that kid. I don’t overthink it anymore. I just wish things were different. If she gives me a chance, I would make things right. But she has to give me something obvious (not obscure) to work with if she wants me to do something about it. She has to be brave too! If she gives me a chance, she should know I am serious about her. I’m not getting younger and I am looking for someone to build a life and eventually settle down with. I’m not in a hurry though. Nor do I want to give anyone pressure.

I actually haven’t seen her lately. I know it’s only a matter of time where I will never see her again.🥲 But if chance is still on my side, I would like to talk to her again so I can take her out on a Home Depot date.🥺 I’ll even let her drive my car in race mode and use launch control.😵🪦 Jokes aside, it’s okay if she doesn’t want to talk to me. I just hope one day, I will meet someone who will make me feel the same way she did.🥲 Last time I saw her, my Apple Watch gave me a notification that my heart rate spiked.😅 I was like “Dang, my anxiety is real and Apple knows what’s up”.🤣🤣

I think she has really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really beautiful eyes. I can look at her for eternity. 🥺 She is special to me. My feelings for her is like from my house on Earth to the edge of the universe.🥺 I would walk that far for her. Even if Google AI says it will take 659, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years. 🥺🥺🥺