What up homies.
Not much new with me. I’m taking time off work in November and I’m stoked to do absolutely nothing and sleep in everyday. 😂 I look forward to reading and finishing some difficult books. I will probably learn a few new cooking recipes, do stupid things with my car, play some video games and chill.👌

Edit Nov 7, 2025: Yooooo, my friends just got me into coffee brewing LOL. I went to this place called “Eight Ounce Coffee” that sells a lot of fancy coffee equipment and imports coffee beans from countries around the world. It’s really cool! I got a French press for 50% off, a hand grinder, and some sample coffee from a Czech Republic roastery called “Father’s”.☕

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My tire got a puncture 😦

I swapped to my winter wheels and tires then prepped my summers for storage. Then I found out there is a screw stuck in my left rear summer tire. It is easily repairable. But part of me wants to say it’s over and get a set of Michelin Pilot Sport 4S. 🤡 I would get it slightly wider than my current tires to give my summer wheels a beefier look. Too bad I’m not wasteful enough to do it. So I’m going to get it repaired and use the tires until its life ends.

…then my mechanic discovered that the screw was very short and didn’t puncture the tire at all. So I guess the title of this section is a lie.🫡

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“What book should I read if I want to study Jacques Derrida and the concept of glossemes?”

Prologomena to the Theory of Language by Louis Hjelmslev.

It is a critical text for modern development of linguistics not just for Derrida, but for people like Noam Chomsky who is the founder of modern cognitive science.

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Alberta Teacher Strike

The United Conservative Party (UCP) proposal of 12% wage increase over four years and hiring of 3000 teachers and 1500 assistants is kind of a pathetic offer tbh LOL. I read that it’s not even so much about the wage increase than it as much about classroom size problems. But I wonder if they considered how many teachers retire every year? 🤔

In terms of classroom sizes. I recall the UCP announced that they are committing 8.6B to building more schools in the next seven years. This is actually a reasonable commitment. But you have to consider that public education has been underfunded for many years before all the classroom problems.

I think bloating class sizes wasn’t just from Canadian liberal government letting too much immigration into Canada—which I agree is a huge problem. It’s also from a larger issue where unaffordable housing and living costs from other provinces caused many people to move to Alberta in the last couple years which helped produce this classroom issue. In the latter case, it’s pretty much capitalism playing itself out.

The conservatives using the notwithstanding clause to protect themselves is a big issue because it strips every worker of their charter rights to negotiate. I mean if the government can just force people back to work, then what is the point of a union? They literally just forced a contract onto teachers that 90% of them rejected then told them to get back to work and fine them for $500/day for disobeying LOL.

Bruh I thought the conservatives are about freedom.🤡 This is the perfect opportunity for the conservative trucker convoys to start protesting because their freedoms are being impeded. In fact, the type of freedom at stake here is much more important than not being able to go into restaurants because some of y’all refused getting COVID vaccines.

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“Congrats on your AMD gains.”

I was actually losing money for some time with it. But the news was suddenly like “AMD is partnering with OpenAI” where it immediately spiked to near +40% in one day. So I sold my position right away to lock in my gains LOL. Like bruhh, I’m not waiting for the AI bubble to pop. I need to sell all my AI stocks 5 minutes before the market crashes.🤡

Listening to Jensen Huang from Nvidia saying how there is no AI bubble kind of reminds me of listening to CEOs from oil companies saying there is no climate change LOL. But people have been calling it a bubble for a few years now. If you think about it in Marxist terms, the stock market is everyone trying to own the means of production. When you buy diverse index funds, you are investing into the collective greed of humanity. And if there is one thing that one might bet on, it would be human nature and the movement of desire.

I eventually decided to buy back into AMD at a smaller position for memes and giggles. A week later, I made another +10% LOL. Then the orange man opened his mouth about China tariffs and I lost money again.🥴 But he pulled a TACO and now I’m even higher than before at around +20%. 🤡 I’m just going to leave it in there and forget it. Maybe buy more when or if the market crashes. AMD’s Q3 profit report is coming up and I hope they beat expectations because it might go up more. But it’s whatever if it tanks.

The market has been on steroids for awhile. Anyone with money in it has probably made money. I’ve been making really good gains from Nvidia (NVDA) as it recently hit 5 trillion dollar market cap. The company is worth more than the entire economy of Japan. It’s pretty stupid honestly. The stock valuation of Nvidia blew up from the demand for AI datacenters. If you put $10,000 into NVDA 5 years ago, it would be near $150,000 today. If you put a $50,000 house down payment in it, you will now have near $800,000 which can buy you the entire house. Much better than paying a 25-30 year mortgage.

I recently met some random dude who told me he lost a lot of money from Bell Canada stocks then blamed it all on the Trudeau government. He had no one to blame but himself LOL. I was going to tell him about my AMD and Nvidia gains, but nah. Dude was too unhinged and told me how his wife cheated on him where he tried to strangle her.💀 Two wrongs don’t make a right.

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Psychoanalysis in the bookstore

I saw psychoanalysis books under “Faith and Spirituality” section in a bookstore Lol. What a sick burn.

Psychoanalysis is the theory of the unconscious mind. Even in modern “scientific” psychology, you will run into many different theories of the mind. The real question is: how can anyone scientifically test these theories and phenomenon when you can’t get inside anyone’s head? And since it’s impossible to get inside anyone’s mind, we study and observe people’s behaviors, speech patterns, thought patterns, etc. This is similar to scientists trying to turn the phenomenology of Edmund Husserl into a science. You simply can’t.

If you ask me, there are no such thing as “scientific” theories of the mind because the scientific method makes them impossible to prove empirically. It comes down to which theories are more useful in practical applications. You can study the empirical effectiveness of these theories, but even then you run into the limits of empiricism and the problems of statistics.

You may discover biological markers for certain mental phenomenon, but having the right medication might not actually “cure” the underlying problems and only gets rid of the apparent symptoms. This is a classic problem between materialism and idealism or sometimes known as the “mind and matter” problem. This however, doesn’t make philosophy the same as psychology. They’re related, just as science is to philosophy, but they’re not the same. In fact, psychoanalysis is often known as an “anti-philosophy”.

The other day, I was reading about someone asking and talking about the cause of homosexuality in a scientific context. The top response was, “the reason is unknown” which is correct. In fact, if you ask some scientists and researchers in this area, they will give you a vague answer like, “sexual preference is a choice”. But if you ask psychoanalysts, they will tell you that sexuality is actually an unconscious choice that is tied into the concept of perversion which is inherent in all dimensions of human sexuality. Things as common as kissing are considered as perverse acts; or things like cross dressing. In psychoanalysis, it is possible to change people’s sexual preferences, but many analysts are opposed to it because there is no reason to since there is nothing wrong with it.

The biggest clash psychoanalysts have when it comes to sexuality are actually with gender theorists. But that’s another story.

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Things people do that tells you a lot about them

Anger and aggression are underlying symptoms for something that happens much deeper beneath what the person consciously thinks they are angry about. While the unconscious reason is unknown to an outside observer, it doesn’t take much to see it. These types of anger happens more often than what most people think. It can be a sudden shift in aggressive tone, outright lashing out, or it can even be things like road rage.

Jealousy is another one that has far deeper implications than what most people think. People aren’t simply a “jealous type”. Being jealous often signifies deeper personal issues than what appears. It often leads to other things such as being controlling. Overblown jealousy can be a ticking time bomb for something much worse such as violence.

The way people look at you speaks a lot about what they think and feel about you. For example, many of us can tell if someone is happy or sad just from looking at their eyes. You can even tell if someone has feelings for you from the way they look at you. I remember I’ve explained this type of “look” before with the way Renee looked at me from back in the days.

In fact, Eashel also gave me this look. But she would never admit it. She is probably still living in denial with her feelings for me.😂 I just think it’s funny because she has been avoiding me. I mean I don’t really care, I just find it a little petty. She is just embarrassed that I discovered her secrets LOL.😏 But what does she think I will do if she talks to me? Ask her out again? LOL. I said this before, I’ll talk to her if she initiates, but I’m never asking again.

Anyways, people will tell us about who they are without needing to say much. If you ever get the chance, just walk into someone’s room or house and look at the things they have and it will tell you a lot. There is actually an entire discipline that studies this in sociology called “Material Culture”. Look at how they dress, what types of clothing they like to wear, and even things like their hairstyle will tell you things you might not have considered. In my view, reading people is sort of like the laws of physics and philosophy. Everything is already there. You live in it. People just don’t pay attention to them. We express ourselves without ever saying a word.

Once you start talking to them, you might discover that many people will have trouble distinguishing the difference between thoughts and feelings that are determined by what “Other” people think, versus what they unconsciously think and feel. Our desire is the Other’s desire. We live in the Other’s discourse where we let it define us. Heck, I even catch it and ask myself these same questions. For the typical neurotic, the analyst’s job is to intercept this process and make the subject ask themselves: “What do I really want?”. This sounds easier and simpler than what most think. It goes back to when I spoke of how the Other who kills the subject where the latter doesn’t exist in consciousness except through gaps in their everyday thoughts. It is about learning to see the contradictions and the conflicts between what people say and do not say. There are no mistakes.

Human consciousness and identity is full of cracks that the subject never pays attention to and are unconscious of. As an outside observer, it is by paying attention to these cracks that gives us a glimpse of who someone is underneath the masks that they put on everyday. The human mind has a sort of infinite depth—even if the person might seem trivial and “shallow” at first. Most importantly, it takes a certain form of love to see what someone does not have (lack). It is exactly what Eashel might be thinking in regards to my insights on her: to see what is not there. 😏

The more you get to know about someone, the more you will see that we are all fighting our own mental battles and living in internal conflicts. We can think of all our inner thoughts that we have about ourselves or might have on others which often carries anxieties, fears, frustrations, projections, transferences, and insecurities. It’s just that most of us prefers to push it aside or deny it (repression).

And if we take on the idea that the identities people speaks through, like their cultural or political identities, does not account for who they really are underneath, you will start to see a lot more in them than what they want you to see. Is it creepy? I guess it’s only creepy if you are correct. 😂

Other times, people creep themselves out by creeping me on here first LOL. But I can see why some feels this way. I recall Aubrianna, a girl who emailed me, mentioned how intimate some of my random thoughts writings are and how it’s almost like she is living in my head. I think it’s true that some of these resembles like my stream of consciousness. It also happens to be true that I took a lot of interest in stream of consciousness in literature. It’s actually a signature literary technique found in modern lit. You will see it in literary legends like James Joyce’s Ulysses and Samuel Beckett’s The Unnamable.

Is this blog literature? Nah. This blog is my alter-ego.

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“I’m too old to drive a sports car”

My friend got T-boned at the university and his car is likely going to get written off. It already got written off from comprehensive damage after the crazy hail last year. But it might be done for good this time.

He drives a manual Scion TC and the other car was a Mercedes GLC43 AMG. I recognize the front grille in the photos. It was driven by some kid who wanted to pay cash to settle the damage. Judging by the dash cam footage, my friend wasn’t at fault. And based on the photos, it would probably cost the Merc owner over 10k in repairs.💀

Then I told my friend to use the money their insurance pays him as down payment for a new car. He wanted to drive another manual, so I suggested him the Toyota GR86 or maybe a Subaru BRZ if he likes AWD; or maybe the Mazda 3. They aren’t fast, but they’re fun, budget friendly, and daily drivable. The BRZ uses a flat-4 engine which is really cool. This type of engine was designed to have the engine cylinders lay flat horizontally to create a lower center of gravity which improves weight distribution when cornering. The Porsche 911 is the world’s most famous car that uses flat-6 engines. It is different to say a V6 where cylinders are “V” shaped, or in-line 6 engines where cylinders are placed vertically in a straight line.

He later told me he is too old for a low ride height sporty car and was thinking of a Subaru Crosstrek because it has a higher ground clearance. I laughed and told him he is not too old for sporty cars. If you just see cars as a mode of transportation then by all means get it. I think the stereotype that older people should drive boring cars because it’s more “mature” can get over the top at times. Sure, there are situations where it matters. But if you are a car enjoyer, many people can’t afford a car beyond basic transportation until they are in their 30s and 40s. If I were him and was in a position to get something fun, I would take this chance to get something fun AND practical. But “fun” is subjective. Perhaps the Crosstrek can be fun for off road. It’s basically a lifted Impreza, so it’s still “sporty”. It also uses a flat-4 engine. That’s cool. Only downside is it uses a CVT which means it’s probably bad for off road Lol.

I’m personally not a fan of how the Crosstrek looks. I find many Japanese cars looks too busy to the eye. It doesn’t have the sleek silky silhouettes that newer generations of German cars have. But there are exceptions like the Mk5 Toyota Supra or the newer Acura TLX and Lexus IS350.

I also have a few friends who doesn’t drive at all. I can’t imagine not driving in Calgary because the public transport sucks. But cars are also way too expensive these days. Though there are a lot of conveniences you get with a car. Like leaving whenever you want at social gatherings at awkward locations instead of getting stuck carpooling with friends. Sometimes I would attend events and be like, “Why are people so annoying?” and randomly leave.🐱

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The New Mk8.5 Golf R

I saw a guy drive it the other day who walked into my Sunday coffee chill sess. I spoke to him and told him I really liked his car. But after talking to him for awhile, I don’t think he is the type of guy who would drive it hard. It’s not surprising since many people here buys the Golf R for its AWD and practicality. They’re “cheap” in Canada compared to other countries (the mk8 is hardly cheap imo). I know they cost $100k+ in places like Ireland and Germany. It’s funny because the R is made in Germany. I think it’s sad that some of these cars will never see above 4000 RPM. It’s totally fine to push it once the engine is warmed up. They are built for it. Not to mention that cars depreciate no matter how you drive it. So if I paid for all the RPMs, then I’m going to use all the RPMs. 😈

That guy had the black edition R with Akrapovic exhaust upgrade which I don’t think is worth it unless you plan on tracking the car. Sure it’s made of titanium and is light with a super deal on the exhaust, but it increases the MSRP cost to 68-69k CAD. That’s wayyyy too expensive for a glorified grocery getter Lol. At that price, you might as well save a little more for an Audi RS3 or BMW M2.

Better deal? Just get the regular R and give it a stage 1+ tune for a whopping 100+ hp boost. It’s basically an RS3 at that point. I believe they use the same rear wheel differentials. Volkswagen owns Audi, and half of VW is owned by Porsche. Many people don’t know that the Golf R is mechanically identical to the Audi S3. They’re the same car with a different badge (the S3 is one trim below the RS3). People likes the R for its practicality and modest looks. Though I would say the Mk8/8.5 looks more aggressive than the Mk7. But a stage 1+ R is pretty darn fast while retaining its reliability. Honestly though, the stock tune rips and is already fast enough to get you in trouble.

The only thing about the stock R is it can use a slightly louder exhaust which the Akra provides. But I think there are cheaper and better sounding ones. I will likely put an Invidia R400 in mine; or maybe a Remus. But before I pull the trigger, I will be adding a Maxton front lip, side skirts, and possibly a spoiler extension in spring 2026.🫡 It will look something like this (link). Only that my car is white. I’m trying to not void the warranty. 😅

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Youth and Aging

I think when you are in your 20s, it might not always be the best idea to be saving money over the top. Even if it can be a good idea. You should spend some of it doing things that you want to do while you are young, and before you get tied up with more responsibilities with age. But I also understand this also comes down to personal circumstances.

If you can afford it, I personally wouldn’t waste my youth being a slave to money. Just remember that when you die, you don’t get to take anything with you (I’m also not religious). At the same time, don’t forget to work on yourself too. Way too many people gets older without actually growing. I think it can be a good and bad thing.

It’s common for people to want to travel and I think that’s great. You want to buy that Porsche? Go buy that Porsche and be in debt (LOL JK don’t).🤡 I spent most of my 20s in school being broke. It might not sound like fun, but it meant a lot to me. It was a pretty noble pursuit. Hah! I spent 5-6 years in undergrad, then 3-4 years auditing courses in different subjects at the university, then I finally did my masters degree in my late 20s. Do I regret spending a decade in school? Nope! It wasn’t “practical” by any means. It was priceless for my intellectual growth and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. A lot of the things I learned shaped who I am today.

My life was very different before I took up work in the trades (my father taught me my trades skills; this is the paternal metaphor 💀). People who knows about my education background at work are sometimes surprised that I’m in the trades.😂 Other than never ending body aches, the trades isn’t too bad as long as you have reliable consistent work. They always say the trades are in demand, but the tradies life isn’t for everyone. It’s super hard work.

It feels like a chore at this point, but that’s work in a nutshell. If I had a choice of getting paid the same to go back to school to be a student or a teacher, I would get out without thinking twice Lol. Unfortunately, responsibilities are piling up on me, so I can’t just drop everything.

Getting older consists of considering things that will matter a lot in your future such as retirement, and people in your life who might need you. While doing things like saving for retirement as early as possible is great, it won’t “really” start to matter until your late 20s to early 30s IMO. You will be surprised that many people don’t start until much later in life. Saving money takes discipline.

I am 35 now and there are a few important things that I’ve learned along the way. The first one that comes to mind is that nobody cares LOL. It sounds depressing but I think it’s true. People might judge you, but most people only ever cares about themselves. Many will also do whatever it takes to get what they want from you. On the bright side, since people don’t care, there is never a need to live up to other people’s expectations and judgements. Who cares.

The second most important thing I learned was that our system and the entirety of human civilization is built on living off of the exploitation and misfortunes of others. It’s very sadistic and masochistic. This was the most rude awakening life lessons in my mid 20s that gave me an existential crisis and depression. I still remember I had a good cry about it at a restaurant when I had breakfast with my dad back in the days.🥹 The woman who sat beside our table definitely felt bad watching me cry a waterfall Lol. 😭

Back then, I really wanted to do something about it, but I felt powerless. It was too big of a burden for me. I eventually learned to let most of it go and focus on smaller things and became much happier. And I found no genuine solution to these worldly matters until I encountered Renee in my late 20s. She made me realize that the solution had existed all along—it was love. Of course this sounds cliche. It is also hard for me to write about love without reciting even more cheesy cliches.

But love as some might say, is the madness of the impossible. It is an impossible experience. You frequently hear similar themes from Lacan, Derrida, Freud, and even Deleuze. I think it’s true. We all seek to attain it, but are always stopped short due to social impositions and the influence of the super-ego. Love can only be half-said. I remember I wrote about this long ago in some of my old random thought posts.

My dad likes history and always tells me about important historical events. You see, I’m also interested in history, but I’m more about people’s motivations and desires which led to these historical events. Why are things the way they are today? A chunk of my curiosity in my 20s led me to some pretty dark realizations about human nature. But it’s not all bad, nor without attaining anything fruitful. At the end, I’m interested in why people do the things they do in life. From personal experience, I can tell you that many people, though not all, can’t respond to this question beyond surface level answers.